


Redemption of a Different Kind

by joyboo



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel Castiel, Cas can cook, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Half-Siblings, Human Castiel, Implied Sexual Content, Maybe a happy ending, Pregnancy, Prophecy, Protective brothers, Reader is a Winchester, Reader-Insert, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-10
Updated: 2016-03-10
Packaged: 2018-05-22 14:18:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 25,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6082527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joyboo/pseuds/joyboo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You are the Winchesters' baby sister. For once a prophecy involves you and a certain angel we all love. Unwilling to leave your life up to fate, you fight back but, of course, fate has a way of working out in spite of you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

        You felt the razor pierce your skin and you winced at the sting. After pulling it across a few inches, you stopped, looking at the red line you created. You knew you didn’t have a whole lot of time. Your half-brothers would be back soon.

        Your cutting addiction was your secret and you were going to keep it that way. Today you weren’t even that upset, but something about watching your own blood flow in a way you controlled made you feel better. You took in the scars littering your thighs, but with a deep breath you ignored them, adding more cuts and reveling in the short-lived power it gave you. As always, you made more cuts than you meant to, but you felt better than you had all day. Being a hunter meant you had scars covering your body, but these cuts you had control over.

        Seconds after you had finished patching yourself up, you heard the bunker door opening followed by the thumps and groans of the guys coming in after a job. You stowed the box you kept your supplies in under your bed and pulled on your jeans before bounding out and greeting them.

        “Hey Dean! Hi Sammy, welcome home. There’s beer, pie, and salad in the fridge for you guys.”

        “I knew there was a reason we keep you around,” Dean said, wrapping you in a bear hug.

        You chuckled, “And you know, the fact that I’m your kid sister has nothing to do with it huh?”

        Once released from Dean, Sam gave you a one-armed hug as you headed for the kitchen, “Eh, that might have something to do with it.”

        “How was the job? You took longer than I thought you would.”

        “Turns out there was more than one ghost so it was more complicated than expected.”

        “Oh, sorry, I should have gone with you guys, mighta gone faster.”

        “Nah,” Dean said already digging into the pie, “You deserved some time off.”

        “Get some research done?” Sam asked, opening a beer before flopping down in an armchair.

        “Yep, all in the library. It amazes me how much information and lore there is in the world. Did you know that –”

        “No,” Dean interrupted with a hand raised, “No information vomiting, we just got home. I need a shower, sleep, and a burger, in that order. Then we can talk about what’s going on upstairs.”

        “How’s Castiel? Have you heard from him lately?” You knew Dean was closest to Cas of the three of you, but you harbored feelings for the socially awkward angel and you were worried about him. Your feelings for him were not helping matters.

        “No, but no news is good news, right?” Dean replied, but you could tell worry was eating at him. You gave him a weak smile. “Whelp, Sammy, Sissy, I am headed to bed. Only wake me up if there’s a fire or an apocalypse.”

        You both rolled your eyes at him as he headed for his room.

        “Anything particularly important or world-changing in your research?” Sam asked. You could tell he was drooping too.

        “Nope, more interesting than important. Go get some sleep.”

        “’Kay, night Sissy.”

        “It’s 10 in the morning!”

        “Eh, still counts.”

        You shook your head, smiling as Sam disappeared to his room. You were glad they were home. It had been too quiet without them. Even though they were asleep, just knowing they were nearby made you feel better. You could take care of yourself, but knowing you had back up was everything. You made your way to the library to do some more research finding you had nothing better to do with your time.

        As it came time for dinner, you decided to go get some take out. Leaving a note for your brothers, you made you way to town. You got your usuals from the local diner, but when you got to your car, you found you had company.

\----------------------------------------------------------

        “Sam! Wake up!” Dean yelled.

        “What? What is it?”

        “Y/N’s missing.”

        “What are you talking about? She probably went to get food.”

        “Yeah, three hours ago.”

        Dean handed Sam the note you’d left. You had put an approximate time you’d be home on the note so they would know.

        “She’s not answering her phone either.”

        Sam pulled his out, dread filling his stomach. He had one text from you saying *ran in to some old friends*

        “Shit,” Sam handed Dean his phone before going to see if he could track your phone online. Your message had been a code saying you had been captured by demons.

        “Cas!” Dean yelled, “Get your pearly ass down here! Castiel!”

        There was a flutter of wings and Cas was suddenly by Dean, “What’s wrong Dean? You know I can’t just up and leave when I need to.”

         “Y/N was taken by demons. Can you tell where she is?”

         “Her phone must be off, it’s not being picked up by any of the servers. Either that or its not somewhere that can pick up any bars,” Sam said, coming back in the room.

        “Shit,” Dean mumbled, running his hand over his face.

        Cas disappeared for a moment as Dean began pacing and Sam began gathering weapons, holy water, and anything else they might need. When Cas popped back, he looked discouraged, “I can’t sense her. With the markings on her ribs I can’t just find her and she isn’t praying. I will look once more.” He popped off again and Dean pulled at his hair.

        “Dean, get your gear together.” Sam commanded.

        “Why on earth would they want Y/N?”

        “I don’t know.”

        Cas reappeared, “I found her,” he said, looking more grave than normal.

        “What is it Cas? Spit it out.”

        “It’s a trap. I looked for a high concentration of demons and I found it. They are holding her so they can capture you both.”

        “What? Why?” Sam asked.

        “Probably any number of the normal reasons,” Dean said, “Where are they and how many of them are there?”

        “They are two counties over. There’s a dozen of them.”

        “A dozen? They’re upping their game,” Dean said.

        “Did they hurt her?” Sam asked quietly. Castiel didn’t respond, but his expression spoke volumes.

        “Damn it. Let’s go,” Dean said, grabbing his bag and heading out the door.


	2. Chapter 2

           Everything hurt. You had been stripped down to your underwear and were tied at the wrists from the ceiling. You had been hoisted up until your toes barely touched the ground. You were sure you were covered in blood, both from fighting back, and from being tortured for the heck of it. You knew your brothers were on the way, but you hoped they would hurry. The demons were bored, but apparently Crowley didn’t know what they were doing so that was something. Last you’d heard, you Winchesters were off limits. Maybe the king of hell would rouse a little of his own. Eh, it was worth a shot, “Crowley! Get your demon ass up here,” you mentally yelled.

            “The hell is this?” you heard a hypnotizing voice yell from the doorway.

            “Oh thank god,” you thought. The demons all scrambled from their spots in fear. Crowley had come when you called, and his minions were terrified. Looking at him through a swollen eye, he seemed to read your surprise.

            “What can I say, I have a soft spot for you Winchesters.” Crowley snapped his fingers and every demon disappeared with screams. He snapped them again and your body dropped to the ground. There was a stack of clothes on the floor next to you and you painfully struggled to sit up. “Your brothers and the angel will be here soon. I will ensure this never happens again.”

            Crowley disappeared and you assumed that was the closest you would get to an apology from the man. You fought to breathe so you could move. You saw the clothes out of the corner of your eye and pulled them to you. Naturally, they were your size. You were struggling to work the button on the jeans when you heard a car pull up. You fought a groan, trying to take an inventory of where you could hide since you were in no condition to fight whatever was coming.

            You tried to move behind something but your legs gave out and you collapsed on the floor with a whimper of pain.

            “Y/N! Y/N?” you heard one of your brothers call. Soon, arms were helping you sit back up and into the shirt that was there. Squinting through the one eye you could see out of, you saw Sam scoping out the place and Dean was the one helping you. Castiel was standing nearby looking at you with worry and sadness.

            “What happened?” Cas asked, “Where did the demons go?”

            “Crowley came and sent them back to hell. They were keeping me to get you guys for whatever reason it is this month,” all breath was wiped out of you with a cry of pain as you tried to get your arm through a sleeve. “They had me tied up but Crowley got me down and then left the clothes, but my guess is he didn’t want to deal with you guys. He left about ten minutes before you got here.”

            You whimpered again as you worked your other arm into the shirt.

            “Damn it, I’ll kill him,” Dean said. You could tell he was keeping his anger in check so he wouldn’t hurt you, but his hands were shaking.

            “It’s not Crowley’s fault, Dean,” you said as Sam came back into the room.

            “No signs of any demons left.”

            “Crowley did away with them all. He didn’t seem too happy with them.”

            You coughed, wincing at your bruised ribs. “Let’s get you home, Sissy,” Dean said. He tried to help you stand, but it was evident that you wouldn’t be able to on your own. Dean picked you up bridal style and carried you to the Impala outside. He laid you in the back seat and Sam crawled in next to you, folding himself into the small space. Sam helped you get as comfortable as possible and Dean and Cas climbed into the front seat. On the way home, you could tell Dean was taking extra care to make the ride as smooth as possible, but you couldn’t help the whimpers of pain that escaped you at some particularly sharp pumps and turns. Your head was heavy and Sam let you use him as a pillow, but you were no where near comfortable, but having your boys around you made you feel safe again.

            Once back at the bunker, Dean carried you to your room. A few of your wounds were still bleeding sluggishly when he set you on your bed. “Sorry I got blood in Baby,” you mumbled to Dean, fighting against sleep. Sam and Cas were both hovering.

            “How can we help?” Sam asked, “What do you need?”

            “A bath,” you managed to respond, “And water.”

            Dean went to your bathroom and you heard the water running in your tub. Sam disappeared to the kitchen, but Castiel still hovered. “Why didn’t you call for me, Y/N?” he whispered.

            You looked up at him squinting through your swollen eyes. Cas looked conflicted; partially confused, partially furious. “I—I don’t know. I figured you were busy,” you managed to say after a moment.

            “I could never be too busy for you.”

            Any reply you could have made was interrupted by the return of Sam with a few bottles of water. He opened one, handing it to you along with several pain killers which you gladly accepted. Dean reappeared too, “Bath’s ready…need any help?”

           You could tell he was uncomfortable at the concept so you managed a bleak smile, “No big bro. I think I’ll be able to do it once the pills kick in.” You painfully made your way to your bathroom closing the door in your brothers’ faces.

          "We’ll be out here if you need us. Just holler,” Dean said.

          “Kay,” you said brusquely before working to ease your clothes off and managed to look at yourself in the mirror. Your hair was a mess and you looked like one big bruise with a few cuts littered around. You winced as you sunk into the water with a long-drawn out hiss.

         “You ok?” you heard Sam call through the door.

         “Yeah,” you gasped struggling to breathe. You worked as quickly as you could. No matter what you did, you couldn’t manage to do anything with your hair. Your broken ribs were getting in the way. After a few minutes, you realized you had done all that you could and it was time to move on to the next step. “I need clothes,” you called through the door.

         “Already got some ready,” Sam replied.

         “Kay. Give me a minute.”

         You shakily stood from the water, trying not to overthink the red tinge of the water. Grabbing a towel, you wrapped it around you and pulled the drain stopper. You opened the door a sliver, “I can’t get the blood out of my hair,” you whispered. Sam was waiting there with some clothes in his hands for you.

          Dean and Cas were across the room whispering. Sam brought your attention back to him, “Put these clothes on and I’ll help you with your hair and I’ll stitch you up, ok?”

          You nodded, taking the clothes and closing the door again. Sam had given you a pair of shorts, a tank top, and some underwear. You dressed in them as quickly as you possibly could struggling not to cry out from the pain. Living with a bunch of guys you didn’t want to show any weakness. Once clothed, you opened the door again. You heard Dean say he needed to hurt something before he and Cas left the room. Sam physically blocked them from your sight before ushering you back into the bathroom.

          Half an hour later, Sam had washed, brushed, and braided your hair for you. Your worst cuts were stitched and bandaged. Exhausted and completely rung out, Sam bundled you into bed. Once you were as comfortable as you could be, Sam sat in your chair doing something on his computer.

         “You don’t have to babysit me Sammy,” you mumbled.

         “Yeah I do, Sissy. Brother’s prerogative.”

         “Where’re De and Cas?”

         “I’m sure they’re getting into trouble,” he replied. “Get some rest Y/N.”

          Finally, you let yourself cave into the darkness that had been gnawing at you for hours.


	3. Chapter 3

          Hours later you woke up to find Sam in the same chair, but he had fallen asleep too. You swung your feet over your bed, finding your slippers and heading out into the bunker. You grabbed another bottle of water from the kitchen when you heard voices. Following them, you found Crowley caught in the devil’s trap in the dungeon with Dean circling him. Castiel was standing by, watching attentively.

          “Dean, what is this?” you asked, voice rough with pain and sleep.

          “Y/N, you’re supposed to be asleep.”

          “Why is Crowley here? I told you it wasn’t him.”

          “I just have to be sure, Sissy” Dean replied, refusing to make eye contact with you.

          “Sissy?” Crowley commented with his patented sneer.

          “It’s called a nick name, Crowley, look it up. Dean. Let him go.”

          “I need to know why they wanted us. Why they took you.”

          Crowley interrupted, “As I was just informing your overly eager brother, I was trying to find that out when I was rudely summoned here.”

          “Dean, let him go,” you said, your spurt of energy draining quickly causing you to lean heavily against the wall. Cas was closest to you and he rushed to your side helping you into a chair.

          “Will you let me heal you?” he asked, “You should be in bed.”

          “I’ll be ok, Castiel, thanks.”

          You gave Dean a look that you hoped was withering. “Ugh, fine,” he said before scraping part of the devil’s trap off the floor.

          “Thank you, Squirrel. Now, if you can refrain from trapping me again, I would be happy to tell you why my underlings wanted you once I myself find out. If I’ve learned anything useful in my experiences with you Winchesters, its that you’re usually the last to know what’s going on in your own lives.” With a hint of a chuckle, he was gone.

          Cas was still standing by your chair. You felt a chill from Crowley’s departure and Cas grabbed a nearby blanket and wrapped it around your shoulders. “How are you feeling, Y/N?”

          “Alive. Sore.”

          “Please let me help you with that.”

          You looked at him suspiciously. You purposefully didn’t like him healing you, preferring to do so the natural way. After a minute’s deliberation, the pain won out. With a sigh, you said, “Fine, just a little bit.”

          Cas touched his fingers gently to your forehead and you felt a tingling sensation before most of the pain left your body. “Thanks,” you murmured, feeling almost drunk from the sudden loss of agony.

          “You are still healing, but the pain should bearable now,” he said tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear.

          “Thank you, Castiel.”

          He pulled away from you and his expression seemed closed off which confused you. Your thoughts were interrupted by hurried footsteps as Sam came into the room.

          “Have you guys seen, oh, there you are,” he said stopping as he saw you. “You scared me.” He came over to you to make sure you were ok, noting the healing of your more serious wounds. “What’d I miss?”

          “Crowley knows nothing and Cas mojoed Y/N,” Dean replied.

          “How are you feeling?” Sam asked you.

          “Fine.”

          “You had significantly more pain than I anticipated. You should not have been able to move,” Castiel felt the need to mention.

          “I guess I just have a high pain tolerance. Must be a Winchester thing.” Now that the pain was gone, you felt exhausted again. Exhausted and starving. With your body able to physically relax some, everything else hit you like a train and you practically wilted in the chair. When Dean noticed, he came over and scooped you into his arms and took you back to your room where you promptly snuggled into your pillows.

          “Holler if you need anything,” he said heading for the door.

          “Thanks, Dean, you said quietly, “I’m sorry.”

          “For what?” he asked coming back to your bed.

          “All the trouble I caused.”

          Dean wrapped you in a hug, “This wasn’t your fault, Y/N. Demons are evil. It could’ve been any one of us. How many times have Sam or I been taken by the monsters we fight? That’s why we have each other. We got each other’s backs, that’s how this works, ok. God knows none of our lives are easy.”

          After he left your room, you curled up in bed again, opting to leave your lights on as you fell asleep. A few hours later, you woke with a blood-curdling scream. You had felt like the demons were cutting in to you again. Your door burst open and you brothers came in, guns raised, “What? What is it?” Dean asked, confused.

          Shaking uncontrollably, you put your head in your hands, “I’m sorry. I was—I was back at that house. They were gonna kill me,” your eyes watered and you couldn’t stop the tears that began to flow. Your brothers climbed onto your bed on either side of you after sharing a look in their own secret language. Sam settled in first so you desperately clutched his flannel shirt as he wrapped his arms around you. Dean rubbed your shoulder, and thankfully neither of them said anything. You figured they didn’t know how to handle their baby sister in hysterics. Slowly, your sobs turned into hiccups and soon the three of you fell asleep all cuddled together like you used to when you were young and were sharing beds in crappy hotel rooms.

          You woke up slowly with a sore head; you figured from all the crying. Dean’s back was against yours and your hands were still wrapped in Sam’s shirt. Thankfully, they both were still asleep. You slowly sat up, rubbing your eyes, feeling the pull of the cuts and bruises that still littered your body. You started when you saw Castiel sitting in your chair. “Have you been there all night?” you stage whispered.

          He nodded, “How are you feeling?”

          “A little sore but much better, thank you.”

          He nodded again looking conflicted, “I have to leave again.”

          You managed to worm your way out from between your brothers and walked over to him. When he stood, you gave him a hug. He returned the embrace and you felt him tuck his head into your shoulder. You breathed deeply enjoying the unique smell that belonged to this bizarre angel.

          “I’m sorry I didn’t find you sooner. You shouldn’t have had to go through that.”

          You pulled away just long enough to make eye contact, “Hey, you can’t do everything Castiel. It’s my fault I was taken, it’s nobody else’s fault,” you felt him start to pull away from you, “Please stay safe, Cas.”

          “You too, Y/N” he replied before he vanished in a light fluttering of wings which for some reason is what roused your brothers.

          “What? What happened?” Dean exclaimed searching the covers of your bed for a weapon. You smiled at their antics, both almost ready to kill something, but neither awake enough yet to really know what they were doing.

          “It was Castiel, he just left.”

          Sam rubbed the sleep out of his eyes as Dean left your room to make coffee. “How you feeling?” Sam mumbled.

          “Better. Thanks for staying last night.”

          “Of course,” he replied, coming to give you a one-armed hug before pulling you to the kitchen. Dean had the coffee started and was rummaging around in the fridge and cabinets pulling out eggs, bacon, and pancake mix. Nobody was saying anything and it was almost uncomfortable.

          In a few minutes, the food was ready and Dean served you all. You really needed to end the awkward. “Any word from Crowley?” you asked.

          Just then, Dean’s phone rang, “What?” he answered curtly.

          “Well, speak of the devil,” he said, looking at the two of you. He was quiet for a moment, listening to what Crowley had to say. “Shit,” he finally replied, running his hand through his hair. You and Sam shared a look. That couldn’t be good.

          “’Kay,” Dean said, hanging up. He slammed his phone down before bracing himself against the counter.

          “What is it?” you asked hesitatingly. You felt dread pool in your stomach.

          “Apparently there is a new Winchester prophecy. But this time it isn’t about Sam or I.”

          “Let me guess, I’m the main character,” you said, full of snark.

          “Yeah, so, apparently the prophecy says you have a child who is going to wipe out all of demon-kind.”

          “I—What?”

          “You’re supposed to get knocked up by an angel and then when the kid grows up, he becomes the next generation of Winchester in the fight against evil. Apparently, these demons were trying to get to you before the angel did.”

          “Well, then why didn’t they just kill me?”

          “They were hoping to get the angel who is supposed to impregnate you.”

          “What? Why would this supposed angel be there? Why would they want him rather than me?”

          Dean and Sam looked at you, obviously putting pieces together faster than you. “What?”

          “Y/N, an angel did come to save you. They probably hoped to catch him,” Sam finally said.

          “But—Castiel?” you asked, indignantly, putting the pieces together. You felt yourself turn bright red. You’d always had a bit of a crush on the angel, but a kid? That was a lot to take in.

          “Prophecies aren’t always true, Sissy, and there have been plenty of times that we’ve beaten them. I mean, how else would the three of us still be alive?” Dean put in.

          “Thanks for the food De, I’m gonna go watch Netflix or something,” you said retreating to your room. You knew both of your brothers had seen you barely touch your food but pretended not to see their shared look. As you left, you heard Sam ask if Crowley had said where the prophecy came from. From his tone, you could tell he was going to immerse himself in research. Dean was going to call his contacts.

          Once at your room, you closed your door and locked it quietly, pulling out the box from under your bed. Castiel shouldn’t have taken away all of your pain. It left you with nothing to dwell on other than your unfortunate new circumstances. Looking at your razors, you decided you wanted something else. You went to your bag and pulled out your favorite knife. You pulled off your shorts, grabbed a handful of tissues, and sat on your bed. You started carving strait lines into your thigh. Your cuts overlapped old scars and new scars. You cut deeper than you meant to, but you couldn’t stop. How stupid were you? Getting caught by demons, thinking the world could give you a break. You were never going to be good enough for Castiel anyway. You were too damaged, too broken. How could the demons think the prophecy would ever come true.

          Crap. You didn’t have enough tissues. You hobbled over to your bathroom and grabbed a towel to press against your leg. The sting made you hiss in satisfaction. You grabbed some rubbing alcohol and sat on the edge of the tub, pouring the stuff on your thigh so that it would go down the drain. It burned. You watched for a few minutes as the blood flowed slightly stronger from the antiseptic. You applied pressure again, grateful it was a dark colored towel.

          This was the deepest you had ever cut. You reveled in the endorphin high for a few minutes before the blood slowed enough that you could clean up the evidence. You wrapped some gauze around your thigh and taped it. You cleaned up as quickly as possible, shocked to see how much time had passed. You pulled on a pair of jeans that were loose enough to not pull at your bandage and so that you couldn't see the bulge the bandage created.

          Once you were satisfied you had hidden the evidence, you settled in to watch some TV. You decided on a Disney movie, because why the hell not? Feeling empty, you rifled through a drawer before finding the well-loved teddy bear you were looking for and crawled under your covers. The hell was with this life you were living?

          Dean and Sam were only your half-brothers. Mary was not your mother. Your mother had been killed shortly after you were born by a monster who was trying to get to John. Even though you were not fully blood, Dean and Sam loved you as much as they loved each other. Sam never knew his mother, and you never knew yours so really you were on equal footing. You were three years younger than Sam, and seven younger than Dean. It had taken a very long time for them to let you go on hunts with them, typically left to ‘guard’ the hotel room as well as do research. You had spent a lot of time at Bobby’s until you had proven yourself. The Impala had been your home, more so than anywhere else. You weren’t a girl in the traditional sense. You had grown up in a man’s world. Puberty had not been a fun time for you. You had made your own way though and had figured enough out about yourself. Honestly, it was a miracle you had survived so long.

          Towards the end of the movie, there was a knock on the door. Pausing it, you went to unlock it, opening to find Dean. “Hey,” you said, letting him come in. You both sat on your bed, “Any news?” you asked, crossing your arms across your chest.

          “Not yet. This is the first anyone has heard of this. Hey, you got Bobby out,” he said grabbing the stuffed bear.

          “Yeah, I needed more snuggles.”

          Dean played with the bear for a second before looking back up at you, “We need to tell Cas, Sis.”

          You put your head in your hands, “I know.”

          He set his hand on your thigh but pulled back when you winced. “I thought Cas healed you.”

          “Not completely, just mostly. The cuts are still healing,” you said, quickly working to come up with a lie.

          “Oh, sorry... Want me call him?”

          “Who, Castiel?”

          “Yeah.”

          “I never intended to have kids, Dean. I didn’t want to carry on this life and pass it on to a new generation. Look how that’s always worked for our family. Your mom tried to get out, and looked how that worked out for her. My mom wasn’t even a part of our world. We’ve accepted that we would never have a normal picket fence apple pie kinda life.”

          “I know, but this is completely new, even for us. And it involves Cas, too. He deserves to know what’s going on.”

          “Sam find out anything?”

          “Not yet.”

          “Ok, will you talk to him? I don’t think I could face him knowing what everyone thinks is going to happen between us.”

          “Not really something you want to tell a best friend. ‘Hey, Cas, don’t knock up my kid sister, cool?”

          You giggled, “Maybe we should make Sam do it.”

          “Ha! Yeah. Oh, hell, let’s get this over with. Cas!” He yelled, making you jump.

          There was no response so you tried, praying silently, “Cas, we have new information. If you can, please come. You need to know."

          “What is it?” a gruff voice asked from behind you guys. You smiled, seeing the angel. “What did you guys find out?” he asked.

          You stood, facing him and started walking towards him as you spoke, “Uh, so apparently there’s a new prophecy that’s been found.”

          “Ok. Why did you call me?”

          Dean continued, clearing his throat “This prophecy apparently says that Y/N is going to have a kid.”

          You saw Castiel stiffen, “You’re pregnant? I have not detected a child.” If you didn’t know better, you would have described him as devastated.

          “What? No.” you said, slightly indignant.

          “Well, not yet at least,” Dean clarified. “Crowley’s minions found a prophecy saying that Y/N will have a child who will bring about the end of demon-kind. That’s why they captured her. They were hoping to beat the clock.”

          “Then why capture her and not kill her?”

          “Guys! So get this,” Sam called before bursting into your room, “Cas,” he said stopping short. “You told him?”

          “We’re working on it.”

          “Before you finish, I found another reason they didn’t kill her.”

          “What are you talking about?” Dean demanded.

          “Right, so, if Y/N has a child with an angel, then the baby will destroy hell. If the father of the baby is a demon...“

          “He destroys heaven,” you whispered. Your body decided it was done cooperating. Your legs gave out and all three guys rushed to catch you. Castiel was the closest though and he helped you sit on your bed. “Well, you guys have had enough of your own apocalyptic prophecies, I guess it’s my turn.”

          No one said anything for a moment, and getting your legs back under you, you headed for the kitchen, going for the whiskey. You sensed the guys trailing after you. “Isn’t it a little early?” Sam asked, as you took a straight shot, but he put his hands up when you gave him your signature death glare.

          “I still don’t think I understand,” Castiel said. “And why did they kidnap you?”

          Dean cleared his throat before saying, “Uh, well, the demons figured out who the angelic father would be and they were hoping to kill him when he came to save her.”

          You took another shot.

          “Why would the angelic father be there to save her? I’m the only angel who would have come.”

          The three of you looked at him, hoping you wouldn’t have to lay it all out for him. He started at you for a minute and you made yourself keep eye contact with him. After a minute, you saw something click in his eyes. “Oh,” he said, awed. He took the bottle of whisky from you and took a swig straight from the bottle.

          “Yeah,” you replied shocked by the amount of alcohol he managed in one swallow. To be honest, you weren’t sure what his response really was. For once, his emotions were completely masked.

          “I should go,” he said.

          “Castiel, wait,” you said, grabbing his arm, “We should talk about this.”

          Castiel looked to where your hand was and you sensed Sam and Dean becoming uncomfortable. Suddenly the air felt charged. “Uh, we’re gonna go over there, to do that thing that we need to do,” Dean said and they disappeared.

          “What is there to talk about?”

          You sighed, sitting down on a bar stool. He stood in front of you and you took on of his hands in yours, needing physical contact for some reason. “What’s going on in your head right now, Cas?”

          “I am not sure. You do not deserve this, Y/N. I am sorry that this is happening. I wish I knew what to do or what to think. I am so conflicted.”

          “I’m sorry you’ve been dragged into this, Cas. I never planned on having kids. This isn’t a life to bring a kid into.”

          “Its illegal for angels to have children,” he said in his rasp, “Nephilim aren’t allowed to walk the Earth. I don’t know. There’s a lot of possible outcomes.”

          “I know,” you whispered, “Cas, I’m scared.”

          He let out a quick burst of air before wrapping you in a hug. “Why do they think it’s me? Was I specifically named?”

          “I don’t know,” you replied, “I got this like third hand. I don’t know if it named you or if people just connected dots and made assumptions.”

          “Dots? What dots?”

          You hid your face against his chest and mumbled, “I’ve always had a thing for you.”

          You felt Castiel’s hand on your face, making you look up at him. “Me too,” he whispered before you felt his lips on yours.

          Time seemed to stop. You had known that were you ever to kiss it would be amazing, but this took your breath away. You gasped when he pulled away trying to force air into your lungs. You heard his wings rustle but he hadn’t left.

          “I shouldn’t have done that,” he said, still holding your face. “Why are you still in pain?” Your eyes opened and saw his confusion. You tried to come up with an answer, as Cas continued, “I took your pain away yesterday. I can sense your pain when I touch you, but it was gone.”

          “I probably just pulled some stitches with the stress of everything,” you said hoping he wouldn’t press the matter. You didn’t have a clever excuse for it. He grunted but didn’t look convinced so you changed the topic. “What are we going to do, Castiel?”

          “I do not know.”

          “Guess we just gotta keep from making babies,” you said trying to lighten the mood. He chuckled.

          “I should go find the prophecy. We need to know what we’re dealing with.”

          “Ok. Thank you, Cas.”

          “Of course, Y/N. I do not like not knowing and I don’t like you being anxious. I will let you know if I find out anything to help.”

          You grabbed his tie and pressed another kiss to his lips. Castiel’s eyes were closed when you pulled away. When he opened them, they were stormy. Why did you have to find out your feelings were returned now?

          “Let me know if you find anything,” you told him.

          “I will. Goodbye, Y/N.”

          He disappeared in a rustle of feathers. Hearing his departure, your brothers came back to the kitchen. “Everything ok?” Sam asked.

          “I don’t even know,” you said dropping your head on your arms on top of the counter.

          “Where’d Cas go?” Dean asked.

          “To find the prophecy. Even though Crowley stopped the demons, I don’t trust him. How do we know he was telling the truth?”

          “We don’t,” Dean said.

          "Great," you said, taking another shot of whiskey. "This is going to be a blast."

 


	4. Chapter 4

          The next few months found you guys fighting countless demons. Castiel had found the prophecy. Apparently your baby daddy was either going to be Castiel or Crowley. And those were the options. It was only supposed to be a matter of time before you were knocked up. You never would have admitted it, especially not to your brothers, but you were still a virgin. You couldn’t get pregnant if you never had sex. Honestly, you were considering having your female parts removed so you didn’t have to worry about this anymore.

          One night, you had given your legs a few new cuts. You twirled your knife in your hand, when an idea popped in your head. No doctor would remove them for you and you didn’t want to do anything involving magic or hoodoo because it had a way of back-firing. One well placed stab though, all your problems would go away. You could take away your ability to have kids. You were so tired of this whole thing. You were currently locked in your room. The boys were doing more research around the bunker, they would be able to hear you if you yelled. You were tired of waiting and hiding. You made a split decision before you could chicken out. You had already done research on where exactly the uterus was located because you had been toying with the idea for a while. You knew the boys would save you, maybe just not your baby maker.

          You screamed as you plunged the knife in, pulling it across your abdomen. It hurt more than you had expected it to. You crumpled to the ground blacking out, but you could still hear your surroundings. Someone busted the door down.

          “Shit! No, Y/N. Cas!”

          You heard wings, “No, what happened?” he sounded desperate.

          “We don’t know. I—I think she did this to herself.”

          “I can’t tell what all she hit, I don’t know how to save her.”

          “Can you get her to a hospital?”

          “I—yeah.”

          “We’ll meet you there.”

          You felt the knife pulled from your body and then arms under your shoulders and knees before there was a rush of air. Suddenly you were surrounded by bright lights but you still couldn’t see anything. Everything hurt.

          “Help! Somebody help me!”

          “What happened? I need a bed!”

          “I don’t—I don’t know,” Cas lied, “I found her like this. Can you help her?”

          You felt something cool against your back. Finally, the darkness completely swallowed you.

 

 ----------------------------------------

 

          You heard beeping. The steady beeping you only hear in a hospital. After a few minutes, you were finally able to open your eyes. Everything felt heavy. Taking an inventory, you found your brothers sprawled in chairs and Castiel was staring out the window.

          “Cas?” you rasped.

          He was immediately by your side. “Why?” he asked, piercing you with his uncanny gaze. He looked pissed.

          “I was so tired of the pressure, the feeling of being hunted. I just wanted it to end.”

          “Were you trying to kill yourself?” he whispered.

          “What? No! No, I just wanted to make it so I couldn’t get pregnant so everyone would leave me alone.”

          “Well you succeeded. Why didn’t you talk to me? I could have helped you come up with a different plan. You could have died.”

          “But I didn’t.”

          He looked away for a minute, “The scars and cuts on your legs aren’t from hunting are they?”

          You shrunk in your bed, “What are you talking about?”

          “Your shorts weren’t pulled up,” he said sadly.

          Dean jerked awake which woke up Sam.

          “You’re awake.”

          “How are you feeling?”

          “Thirsty.”

          Sam helped you take a sip from a cup with a straw.

          “The hell, Y/N?” Dean demanded.

          “I’m sorry, I just needed all the crap to stop. I figured if I can’t have kids, they’d have to leave me alone.”

          You heard a rush of wings and there was a quick breeze. Castiel was gone.

          “What’d you say to him?” Dean asked.

          “Nothing,” you replied, defeated. You thought they would be taking this better.

          “You could have died, Sis!” Dean burst.

          “But I didn’t! I knew you guys would save me.”

          Whatever retort he was about to make was cut off by a nurse entering the room. “You’re awake. I thought I heard voices. Glad to see your eyes open Mrs. Allan,” she said in peppy voice. She was very bubbly, almost as though she was trying to compensate for the tense atmosphere in the room. “Where’d your husband go?”

          You looked to your brothers. “Uh, he had to hit the head,” Dean supplied. Sam mouthed ‘Cas’ behind the nurse’s back. You felt yourself blush.”

          “How are you feeling?” the nurse asked.

          “Like my insides got swirled around,” you said.

          “There’s a cop here would like to hear your perspective on the mugging. When you feel up to it of course.”

          “Sure, um, what happened? I don’t really remember a whole lot. I don’t even know why I’m here,” you lied smoothly.

          “Sure, hon, do you want to talk privately?” she asked with a pointed look at Sam and Dean.

          “Oh, uh, sure, we’ll be right outside if you need us Anna,” Sam said with a purposeful look. Anna Allan, huh, wonder who came up with that, you thought.

          Once Dean and Sam were out of the room, she turned to you, “Well it looks like when the mugger stabbed you, he managed to get a good part of your uterus, he nicked one of your Fallopian tubes, severed another and got part of your intestines. You’ve got a lot of stitches in you honey.”

          “What does that mean for me exactly?”

          The nurse’s look turned sad, “I’ll let a doctor tell you the details.”

          “Uh, ok,” you said as she left.

          Dean and Sam came back in, “She say anything important?”

          “Just that I had a lot of stitches. Did it work?” you asked them.

          “Yes it did. Dammit, Y/N,” Dean said.

          The room was filled with tension again but your energy reserves were used up and you succumbed to sleep. A few hours later, the next time you woke up, you were visited by the police officer. “Hey there, Mrs. Allan, how are you feeling?”

          You could almost hear Dean roll his eyes. “Like I’m full of stitches. How can I help you officer?”

          “What can you tell me about the person who attacked you?”

          “Uh, nothing really, I can’t really remember much, uh, just a shape, and then the pain, then waking up here.”

          “Ok, well, here’s my card if you remember anything.”

          “Thank you, Officer.”

          Before you could relax, the nurse returned with another woman wearing different colored scrubs.

          “Hi Mrs. Allan, I’m Dr. Linman, I was the one who operated on you.  How are the stitches holding up?”

          “Ok I guess, I don’t feel any bleeding.”

          The doctor turned to the boys, “I need to talk to your sister alone.”

          They looked surprised but left again. You were slightly worried too. You weren’t sure what was coming next.

          “Does your husband abuse you, Anna?”

          “What?” you sputtered, totally thrown by the question.

          “Your skin is littered with scars and your bones are covered in remodeled fractures. You have what looks like a bullet graze and your thighs show evidence of self-harm. And there is a good chance your wounds now could have been self-inflicted. Were you trying to decrease your chances of getting pregnant? What is going on?”

          You took a moment to consider your options. The doctor could tell, “Don’t you dare lie to me ma’am.”

          “I’m just not supposed to say,” opting for the first thing that popped into your head.

          “What are you talking about?”

          “My ‘brothers’ are actually my handlers. I’m in witness protection. God we’re gonna have to move again,” you said, dramatically touching your face. The nurse and doctor looked uncomfortable. “Was this in the news? How long have I been out?”

          You moved like you were trying to get up.

          “Mrs. Allan, you need to stay still, you’re still healing.”

          “Have you seen my husband? He hasn’t come back yet. Jacob! Matt!” Dean and Sam came in.

          “What is it, Anna?” Sam asked, hand on his hidden gun.

          “They made me tell them,” you said starting to fake cry, “they know you’re my handlers. Max and I are gonna have to move again aren’t we. All because of a stupid mugging.” Your sobs proved convincing. The doctor and nurse took their leave with profuse apologies.

          “What story did you come up with?” Sam asked with a chuckle at how quickly the tears disappeared.

          “I told them I was in witness protection and that they ruined my cover. Mentioned my beloved husband was missing and they freaked. They were so concerned, I almost feel bad. The way they were acting, I’d be scared to see my x-rays.”

          Your brothers chuckled, “Ready to get outta here?” Dean asked.

          “God, yes.”

          “Can you walk?” Sam asked.

          You swung your feet over the side of the bed. You felt very unsteady, “Uh, no. Also, I need clothes.”

          “Oh, here,” Sam said, handing you his back pack. You slowly moved to your room’s small bathroom and changed. Your stitches pulled, but you took a minute to admire the handiwork.

          When you came out, Dean was waiting with a wheelchair. You collapsed into it. You left the room, met by the officer that questioned you. “Where do you guys think you’re going?”

          “I didn’t want to have to do this, man, but we’re federal marshals and we’re taking this woman to safety. I suggest you stay out of our way.”

          Thankfully, the officer backed off and you continued on your way. Soon, you were mercifully back at the bunker and in your own bed relaxing. Dean and Sam figured they could leave you to your own devices since you had what you wanted. Meanwhile, you were fighting the urge to get your knife again. The desire filling you was scaring you. Weeks passed and finally you were moving on your own. You weren’t going on hunts anytime soon, but you could move around the bunker.

          Finally, a month passed, and your brothers were leaving for a hunt. No one would be hovering over you for three whole days. You were borderline ecstatic. It was a simple salt and burn so you weren’t worried. Once they left, you turned on some music and head bobbed your way around the place. You did some drinking, watched some TV, but after a few hours, you were bored. The box under your bed beckoned.

          The demons had finally decided to leave you alone, and Crowley had been surprisingly quiet about the whole thing. Life was going back to the Winchester definition of normal. You sat on the bed with the box in front of you, staring, and fighting an internal battle. You had been doing better. You hadn’t done it since you were in the hospital, and you almost missed it. How messed up was that?

          “Please don’t.”

          You freaked, reaching for the gun under your pillow, aiming at the intruder. It was Castiel. You lowered the gun and clutched your sore abdomen. “You can’t sneak up on people like that Castiel.”

          “I’m sorry, Y/N, I just heard your thoughts and I couldn’t—I can’t go through that again. I was covered in your blood. There was so much of it. I didn’t know if you would make it. I can’t do that again.”

          “Cas, I’m sorry,” you said reaching for him, but he flinched back from you. You felt like he’d slapped you. You hadn’t seen him since that day in the hospital.

          “I want all your knives and blades. And you have to tell Dean and Sam when they get back.”

          “What? Why?”

          “Because there is a darkness in you, and one day you’re going to lose if you don’t get help now.”

          “Cas—”

          “No, Y/N. You need to give them to me, or—”

          “Or what?”

          “I don’t think I can be in your life if you don’t do something to make yourself better.”

          You stared at him. You didn’t think you had ever seen him so upset. After a few conflicted moments, you nodded. “All of them, Y/N. I’ll know if you’re lying to me.”

          Fighting feelings of shame, you went around your room collecting all your weapons, or anything you thought you could use as a weapon. You had it all on your bed. You found the sheer number of them somewhat amusing. You were definitely a hunter. Last you had the box. You opened it and took out the razor and the knife you normally used as well as the rest of the razor’s set.

          “What else is in the box?” Castiel demanded.

          “Just memories, I swear.”

          Castiel looked confused so you pulled out a few of the things. “This is the only picture I have of my mother and I. John kept it and I took it from him. This is a picture of the four of us that I think Bobby took. This is one of the army men Dean and Sam played with when we were kids.”

          You handed them to Cas and he looked at them in awe. “What else do you have?”

          “I’ve got my first and only attempt at a diary, which you are not allowed to read. I have my mother’s charm bracelet, the stone you gave me a couple years ago, um, a couple charms, that kinda stuff.”

          “What’s this?” he asked, pulling out a folded piece of paper.

          “Oh, uh, no one’s ever seen that.”

          “This says you were accepted at a university.”

          “Yeah.”

          “I believe this is considered a good school.”

          “It is.”

          “Why do you have it?”

          “To remind myself that this life was a conscious choice on my part,” you said, taking it back from him. “When I turned 18, I seriously thought about leaving the life. Only Sam knows I applied, but I told him I didn’t get in.”

          “Why?”

          “Because I decided my family was more important that my dreams.”

          “I don’t understand.”

          “If I had turned my back on my family, and left the hunter life, I never would have seen them again. Even though Sam and Dean are my brothers, I don’t have the same bond as they do. John was my father, but he never wanted me in the first place, but my lack of a family left me to him. With my mom dead, and now John, and I’ve almost lost Dean and Sam so many times, if I had left and gone to school, I never would have seen them again.”

          “Why do you hurt yourself?”

          You were caught off guard by the abrupt change in the conversation. Slowly, you collected the items and put them back in the box, closing the lid before returning it to its spot under your bed.”

          “That’s a complicated question,” you finally said. Cas just gave you his infamous puppy dog, confused eyes. You sighed, sitting on the bed. Cas grabbed a box that you had sitting in a corner and collected the assorted weapons that were laying on your bed. Setting it on the floor, he sat next to you. You took one of his hands in yours, tracing the lines on his palm.

          “I think the first time I did it was for some semblance of control in my life. Dad and I had had a fight and he stormed out of the hotel room. Dean had been out getting into trouble and I locked myself in the bathroom, ignoring Sam. I was filled with so much rage, but no outlet. Dad wasn’t letting me hunt yet and I was bitter. I was an angsty preteen and none of the boys in my life knew what to do with me. I took out my switch blade that Dad made me carry and I made the first cut. I had no where to fit in, and I was mad. Gradually, as I started hunting, I was becoming immune to the pain and was numb. Sam and Dean were wrapped up in their crap and I wanted to be sure I was still alive. To know I could still bleed. I needed some kind of control and this was something I could control. Now, I don’t know, maybe I’m addicted to it. It is such an endorphin rush, especially if I haven’t been hunting in a while.”

          Now you were tracing the outlines of his fingers. You couldn’t make yourself look at him. You had never told anyone anything about your cutting. As far as you knew, no one else knew anything. Cas put his other hand over yours, stilling it. He didn’t say anything. Finally, you couldn’t take it any longer. Raising your head, you were expecting anger or frustration, or even pity, but none of those were what you found in his eyes. You couldn’t quite put a name to the expression, but it gave you butterflies.

          “You are so important, Y/N. You deserve better than you think you do. Thank you for telling me.” Tears began to prick at your eyes, “Did I say something wrong?” he asked, instantly worried.

          You shook your head no, but the tears closed your throat so you couldn’t say anything. Mindful of your still slightly tender abdomen, you wrapped your arms around him and buried your face against his chest. You felt his arms circle you, and the tears overflowed. You weren’t sobbing or anything, but the silent tears were draining. Castiel rubbed you back in soothing circles. You were sure he was uncomfortable, not really understanding human emotions, but he was there. You had never told anyone about your problem, but Cas found out anyway. You always assumed that if anyone found out, they would drop you. You knew your brothers wouldn’t understand and you had been sure Cas wouldn’t either, but here you were, being comforted by the strange angel.

          You heard your phone ring and pulled away from Cas, wiping your eyes. The caller ID showed Sam, “Hey Sammy.”

          “Hey Sissy, the hunt was easier that we thought It’d be so we’ll be home late tonight.”

          “Ok, sounds good. Thanks for letting me know. Be safe guys.”

          “Yeah. Hey, you all right? You sound a little off.”

          “I’m fine.”

          “Ok, well, we’ll see you soon.”

          “Bye Sammy. Tell Dean to drive safe.”

          “Will do. Bye.”

          You stared at your phone in your lap for a minute, “I don’t want to tell them.”

          “You need to.”

          “Why do you even care, Castiel?”

          Next thing you knew, Castiel’s hands were cupping your face and his lips were pressed against yours. He pulled away after only a moment, “How can you still ask me that?”

          You felt tears threatening again, “Because you are hard to read sometimes, Cas.”

          “I am sorry. I do not mean to be.”

          “Do you have to go anywhere today or can you stay ‘til the boys are home?”

          “I can stay. I think the two of us have a lot to talk about. But first, I am going to stash this box somewhere.”

          You nodded and he stood before vanishing. When he returned his hands were empty, but he rejoined you on the bed.


	5. Chapter 5

          The two of you sat quietly for a moment before you spoke, “How are things in heaven?”

          Cas took a moment before answering, “A good number of angels are mad at us.”

          “Because of what I did?”

          He nodded, “They were mad when you took away what they considered an easy option.”

          You shook your head, “I’m tired of being a pawn in this chess game between angels and demons.”

          “It is strange for me to be a part of your world as well as mine. I understand the intentions of both angels and humans and while I understand why the angels are wanting an easier solution, I don’t want you to be hurt,” he tucked some loose hair behind your ear, “Well, hurt any more than you already have been.”

          You ducked you head, trying to sort out your thoughts. For a brief moment, you allowed yourself to think about what your life could have been had you taken the scholarship you had received for school. Maybe you could have met someone like Castiel and settled down to have the stereotypical 2.5 kids and gone on to be perfectly normal. 

          Castiel rubbed his thumb on your cheek, and made you look back up at him, “Where did you just go?”

          “To a future I will never have.” He looked confused, “I was thinking about who I would have been if I had gone to school,” you amended.

          “Do you regret not going?”

          “Regret isn’t the right word. Wistful, maybe? But then if I had, I never would have met you, I never would have formed a real relationship with my brothers, I would be a completely different person and while I’m not totally ok with who I am now, I know that I would have been bored with a normal life.”

          “I am glad I was able to meet you,” he said, voice thick.

          “Thank you for saving me, Cas. I don’t think I ever properly thanked you.”

          He rested his forehead against yours and your breath caught in your chest, “It hurts me to know that you hurt yourself. You are such a beautiful woman, inside and out. You have so much love for those around and you are so incredible. I love you, Y/N.”

          A tear leaked out of your eye as you reached to touch his lips with yours. When you pulled away you reciprocated, “I love you, too, Castiel.”

          “When will Dean and Sam be back?”

          “Late tonight.”

          “What would you like to do while we wait?”

          “Disney movie?”

          “I’m not sure I know what that means, but whatever you want to do is fine with me.”

          You smiled and took his hand, dragging him to the TV room finding a movie that sounded good and popped it in. Cas sat on the couch and you sat next to him, curling in to his side. You felt him wrap an arm around you and settled in to enjoy the innocence of the movie _Tangled._ You and Cas sat in silence through the movie but as soon as the movie was over it was obvious that the angel had questions.

          “Why did the Gothel woman disappear?”

          You smiled, “She had been using magic to survive for too long, so without it, she withered away and died. She kinda just disintegrated.”

          “Why were they always singing?”

          “It’s a characteristic of Disney movies, they’re for kids and the songs are fun to sing and remember.”

          “Who cleaned up all the floating lanterns?”

          “I’m sure they had people to clean them up.”

          “Horses don’t actually act like that.”

          “Nope, they don’t, that’s why they did it as a cartoon, for more elements of fun. Same with Pascal, the little chameleon.”

          “Can humans grow their hair that long?”

          “I don’t think so,” you replied, smiling at his questions.

          “How long is your hair?”

          “To my waist.”

          “Can I see?”

          “Well, it’s kinda a mess right now. I’ve been meaning to cut it. Long hair is a liability when hunting. Let me go get my brush I’ll be right back.”

          Rushing to your bathroom you found your brush and started brushing your hair on your way back to Cas. He hadn’t moved at all but looked mesmerized by the length. It was currently almost to your butt. You sat back on the couch next to him and he reached out to touch it.

          “I didn’t realize it was so long,” he said, “You always have it pulled back. It’s beautiful.”

          You felt yourself blush before you started braiding it, “Thank you.”

          He watched you as you finished the braid, making you feel self-conscious. “Would you like to pick the next movie?” you asked.

          “I am not familiar with movies. Whatever you want to watch is fine with me. What is your favorite?”

          “Oh, well then, _The Princess Bride_ it is,” you replied with a smile.

          You popped in the new movie and the two of you settled in again. Castiel took his coat off and loosened his tie. You smiled at the somewhat relaxed look before cuddling up to him again. By the time Wesley revealed he was the Dread Pirate Roberts, however, you had drifted off.

          Dean and Sam walked in to find you asleep in Castiel’s lap and Cas intently focused on the sword fight between Inigo Montoya and the Six-Fingered Man.

          “Hey Cas, how’s it going?” Dean asked but was shushed by the focused angel. You woke up to the voices somewhat disoriented. Realizing, the position you were in, you sat up and separated yourself from Cas smiling when you saw how focused he was on the movie. You stood and went to the kitchen to welcome your brothers home.

          “Hey guys, how was the hunt?”

          “It was good,” Sam replied giving you a hug.

          “Introducing Cas to the classics?” Dean asked.

          “Yeah, I’d asked him to stay and keep me company ‘til you got back.”

          Dean pulled out three beers, passing them around, “Everything ok, Sis?” Sam asked.

          “Yeah, um, I’m just not—I just don’t…” you trailed off unable to finish. You knew Cas wanted you to tell them, you just didn’t know how. You saw your brothers share a look out of your periphery.

          “Y/N, what is it?” Dean demanded.

          You felt Cas come up behind you and put an hand on your shoulder. You looked up at him but any word you’d ever known went out of your mind and you couldn’t formulate a thought. “Guys. Somebody say something, you’re freakin’ me out.”

          You looked down at your feet, “Let’s sit down,” you said before going to the table.

          Once Dean and Sam sat down across from you they looked at you expectantly. You took a swig from your beer and sat looking at your hands. Cas sighed, and figured he needed to start for you. “Y/N stabbing herself was not the first time she has hurt herself.”

          “What are you talking about?” Dean asked, instantly on alert.

          “I have a cutting addiction,” you whispered.

          “I don’t understand,” Sam said.

          “It started when I was a teenager. It became an outlet. Cas found out and he thinks I should stop.”

          “Of course you should stop,” Cas said.

          “I’m not hurting anyone,” you muttered.

          “Except yourself.”

          You finally looked up at the angel who had taken a seat next to you. Your brothers were looking back and forth between the two of you. Dean looked confused and Sam looked concerned. You wanted to crawl into a hole.

          “I have hidden all her weapons for now, but I can’t always be here. You guys have to help her stay accountable.”

          “What are you depressed or something?” Dean asked in his brusque way. You knew he meant well, but his question felt like a slap in the face.

          “Uh, no. It’s not that simple.”

          “So, can you explain it to us?” Sam asked, more gentle that his brother.

          “It makes me feel like I have control over something, a pain I can manipulate and to make sure I could still bleed. Plus it focuses me, it grounds me, it—it I don’t know—it—”

          Cas took one of your hands in his as you trailed off. You didn’t know what to tell your brothers. It was different with Castiel, you knew he wouldn’t judge you, but with your brothers, you weren’t always completely sure where you stood with them.

          “Why have you never told us?” Sam asked.

          “Yeah, because it’s something that just comes up naturally in a conversation,” you said with a bit of snark.

          “Did Dad know?” Dean asked.

          “Why on earth would Dad know?” you demanded, “No one has ever known.”

          “Why tell us now?” Sam asked.

          “Because Cas found out. Hell, the doctors at the ER found out. And Cas felt like you guys needed to know.”

          “So we’re only finding out because you got caught?” Dean asked indignantly, “Were you ever going to tell us?”

          “No, that’s kinda the point of a secret, Dean.”

          He scoffed and you knew he was about to go into, ‘Big brother must fix things’ mode.

          “How bad is it?” Sam asked before Dean could say anything.

          “What do you mean?” you asked, shrinking in your chair.

          “Are you suicidal?”

          “What? No!”

          “Were you trying to kill yourself when you stabbed yourself?” Dean asked, taking over the line of questioning, trying to piece things together. He was somewhere between concerned and pissed.

          “No! I genuinely only wanted to make it so I couldn’t have kids. I knew no doctor in their right mind would cut my lady parts out for me but I was tired of dealing with all the crap that went with the prophecy.”

          “How was that different that you cutting?”

          “I never cut deep enough for it to do any damage.”

          “Where do you cut? I haven’t seen anything on your arms.”

          “Why would I cut where you could see, Dean?” finally you were just completely exasperated with the conversation. You looked at Cas hoping he would let you stop, but he still looked very determined and you knew he wasn’t going to let you drop it. Looking at your brothers, you could tell they wouldn’t either. You grunted in frustration before standing and dropping your jeans. Dean pulled a, “Whoa, don’t need to see that, Sis.” But when he saw what you were showing them, he got real quiet. Sam reached out but stopped when you flinched away. You lifted your shirt up to show them the ones on your stomach and sides too.

          “Y/N,” Dean whispered. You couldn’t stand the pity in his voice.

          You yanked your pants back up and then ran to your room, slamming and locking the door behind you. You could hear their voices rumbling in the back ground. Right now, you really wanted to cut. You needed it. This was exactly the kind of situation that called for it. Damn Castiel and his thoroughness. You went to your bathroom and began rummaging in your drawers looking for a shaving razor. You were in the process of trying to pull out one of the razors when there was a knock on your door. “Go away!” you yelled.

          “Dammit, Y/N, open this door or I'll break it down,” Dean yelled back.

          You closed and locked your bathroom door, successfully pulling out a razor. You heard your bedroom door burst in at the same moment Cas appeared next to you, making you jump, dropping the razor.

          “You told me you had given me all of them,” he said, voice filled with disappointment.

          “I thought I had,” you said, reaching down to pick them back up but Cas stopped you.

          “Open this door,” Dean said from your bedroom.

          Thoroughly frustrated, you did before storming past Castiel, and your brothers. You slipped on some flip flops you had by the front door and grabbed the keys to the spare car.

          “Y/N!” Sam called, “Where are you going?”

          You slammed the bunker door behind you and once in the car, you peeled out, just driving. You knew that they wouldn’t be far behind you, but you needed to get out of there. You couldn’t handle their issues on top of your own at the moment. You drove to a nearby field you went to when you wanted to be alone. You grabbed a blanket from the backseat and wandered to the middle of the field. Laying out the blanket, you laid down and looked at the stars.


	6. Chapter 6

          It was quiet, all you heard was the wind blowing through the long grass as well as chirping bugs. You tried to keep your mind blank. You didn’t know what to do. Your thoughts were swirling around. You didn’t know what you wanted to do, who you wanted to be. Thinking about the past and what could have been was making you lose confidence in yourself and what it meant to be a Winchester. There’s always going to be another big bad out there. You knew you weren’t going to be normal, and you had always been ok with that.

          You heard the familiar purr of the Impala and sighed. You had hoped you would have more time. “Y/N!” you heard Sam call.

          You sat up and looked at them, seeing relief on your brothers’ faces from the light of the car. You wrapped your arms around your legs and set your chin on your knees. You heard Dean turn the car off, and then footsteps as they walked to you. Sam sat next to you as Dean scoped out the area.

          “No angel tag-a-long?”

          “Cas fluttered off to do something angel related. Figured it was time for us to do our jobs and be your brothers.” You scoffed. “Why didn’t you come to us?”

          “You guys have always had your own crap. I didn’t want to add to it.”

          “We need to add a new code word to our repertoire,” Dean said, sitting down.

          “What are you talking about?” you asked.

          “For when one of us needs a distraction, like Sam when he had the cut on his hand. You might not have Lucifer haunting you, but you definitely have your own personal demons that you need help from.”

          You hid your face in your legs, “This isn’t a problem you have to fix, guys. There’s not some monster you can gank.”

          “Please promise you’ll talk to us if you feel like cutting again,” Sam said, wrapping you in a hug, “You may not think it’s a big deal, but what if one day you go to far? Something like this can escalate real quickly. And we can’t lose you, Sissy.”

          “You’re not gonna lose me, Sam.”

          “You can’t promise us that,” Dean said, “Not in our line of work, but you can’t be doing things to make it more likely.”

          “You mean like selling your soul?” You said with an attitude.

          “Hey, don’t be like that. We love you, you’re our baby sister and its our job to take care of you. But, you have to let us,” Dean said.

          You leaned over and rested your head against Dean’s shoulder, Sam’s arm still around you. “You’ve always been Miss Independent. You’ve always been the one to help us. Let us help you for once,” Sam implored.

          “Even with the prophecy, you didn’t let us help, you took matters into your own hands and that’s not how a family is supposed operate.”

          “You do realize how hypocritical that is right?”

          “We’re family, we’re not supposed to make sense,” Dean replied, “We’re just supposed be there for each other.”

          The three of you sat in the field for hours talking things through in a way you never had before. When you finally went back to the bunker, the sun was starting to light up the horizon and you felt better than you had in years. You truly knew your brothers were there for you. Now you just needed your angel back.


	7. Chapter 7

        It was a few months before you saw Castiel again. Business was keeping him pretty occupied upstairs. When you did see him it was because he came crashing into your room, hardly breathing. You jumped off of your bed, scrambling over to him.

  
        “Castiel? Castiel! What happened? Hey, look at me,” you begged, cupping his face in an effort to get him look at you. He was covered in blood and it looked like it was his own. His eyes were glassy, but you managed to make him focus on you.

  
        “Dean! Sam!”

  
        Your brothers burst in and went in to action. They picked him up and set him on your bed. You crawled up next to him so that you could cradle his head as they took an inventory of his injuries. Meanwhile, you tried to get him to talk to you.

  
        “Castiel, talk to me. What happened?”

  
        “I—I am not sure. I was attacked and now I cannot heal myself.”

  
        “Is he gonna be ok?” you asked Dean who was working on cutting off Castiel’s clothes. Sam had gone for the first aid kit.

  
        “I think so. Nothing vital has been hit.”

  
        Castiel’s eyes were beginning to glaze over before Sam came back.

  
        “Castiel, stay with me,” you said, shaking him slightly and brushing his hair off his forehead. He was burning up. “Castiel, talk to me.”

  
        “I—I love you, Y/N.”

  
        “Then where have you been? I haven’t seen you in a while.”

  
        “Busy.”

  
        “Doing what?’

  
        “Finding out more about the prophecy.”

  
        “Who got to you?”

  
        “Demons, with a blade.”

  
        “Blade? Like an angel blade?”

  
        Cas coughed as he nodded.

  
        “Did they want information?”

  
        “I don’t know,” Cas coughed again, but this time there was blood. “I think they wanted to kill me.”

  
        “Kill you? Why?”

  
        “The prophecy.”

  
        Castiel’s eyes started closing again, “Castiel! If nothing important was hurt, why is he so bad?”

  
        “I don’t know,” Dean said, “Maybe because it was an angel blade.”

  
        After a few minutes, Cas was patched up and resting, but you couldn’t bring yourself to leave him. You kept playing with his thick hair. You didn’t realize it but you had started humming to him hoping to sooth him. It had been a very long time since you had seen the angel broken and it hurt you to know he was in pain. Eventually, you fell asleep, resting against your head board. You woke up when Castiel stirred. He groaned in pain before opening his blue eyes. It took them a moment to focus but you could tell as soon as he saw you because he smiled.  
        “Hey, Cas, how you feeling?”

  
        “It hurts.”

  
        “What hurts?”

  
        “Everything,” he said, sitting up. He stilled for a moment and looked very focused. When he moved again, he seemed much better.

  
        “Were you able to heal yourself?”

  
        “Yes. Now that I am rested, I am much better.”

  
        “Find out anything?”

  
        “About the prophecy?”

  
        You nodded, moving closer to him.

  
        “The demons aren’t so sure you have truly managed to thwart the prophecy. Crowley had some minions verify your medical records. He seems to still be an active player.”

  
        “I guess the lure of heaven under his control was just too much to pass up,” you said, completely bummed.

  
        “I won’t let him hurt you,” he said pulling you into a hug.

  
        “I missed you.”

          
        “I missed you too. I’m sorry I was gone for so long.”

  
        “I thought all of this was over.”

  
        Cas kissed you, pulling away when your brothers came in the room.  
        

        “Thought we’d heard voices,” Dean said, “How you feeling, Cas?”

  
        “Much better. Thank you for patching me up.”

  
        “You gonna be around a while or are you just passing through? I know Y/N wouldn’t mind you hanging around.”

  
        You felt yourself blush, but otherwise ignored your brother before standing and pulling Cas up with you. You all migrated to the living room and you all settled around to talk.

  
        “What did you find out, Cas?” Dean asked.

        “Crowley has finally decided to take an active role in working to fulfill the prophecy starting with getting rid of me. He figured that with me out of the picture it would make it that much easier for him to fulfill the prophecy.”

        “Does he know that Y/N can’t have kids?” Sam asked.

  
        “He didn’t give me a chance to ask,” he replied grimly.

  
        You took one of Castiel’s hands in yours, “Was he interrogating you or just trying to kill you?”

  
        “Both. He was trying to determine the extent of our relationship before killing me. I think he was trying to find out if you were already pregnant by me. I think he’s going to be making a move soon. He couldn’t kill me, I don’t know what is going to be next on the agenda.”

  
        “Maybe it’s time we have a neighborly chat with our good friend Crowley,” Dean said with a growl, “I am so tired of this mess. When does it end?”

  
        “When we die,” you replied, full of sarcasm.

  
        “Yeah, death has always been the end for our family,” Sam chuckled.

  
        You couldn’t help it, you started laughing too. Once you started, you couldn’t stop. Your brothers shook their heads at you but they couldn’t resist joining you in your mirth. Castiel was completely confused which made you laugh harder.

  
        “I do not understand. Why are you guys laughing? There is nothing funny about any of you dying.”

        After a few minutes, you wiped the tears out of your watering eyes and took a deep breath. “You’re right, Cas. It’s not funny, but if we can’t laugh about it, we would have to cry and it’s just not worth it.”  
        

        Castiel still did not understand but you could tell he was willing to accept whatever explanation you gave as human weirdness.

        “But really,” Dean said, “What should we do next?”

        “Let’s summon our friendly neighborhood king of hell and see what his deal is?” you suggested.  
        

        “To the dungeon!” Dean said excitedly, “I never get tired of saying that.”

        “You’re so juvenile,” Sam said shaking his head, but he stood and the two headed to the dungeon, leaving you and Cas on your own.

        “Do you want to join them?” the angel asked.

        “No, this is more their thing, I would just get in the way. Do you want to?”

        “I have missed you and I have full confidence in Sam and Dean’s abilities. Plus, I do not really want to see Crowley right now.”

        “What would you like to do instead?”

        Rather than answer, he kissed you, but then you guessed that was answer enough. Cas brought one hand up to your face and the other wrapped around your waist. Your hands were caught between the two of you and you wished time could stop in place. For a relatively naïve angel, he sure knew how to kiss.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Let me know if you have any suggestions on which direction I should take this. I'm starting to lose track of where I was wanting to go with the story. I know where I would like it to end up, but I don't know how long I should make it or what I should include on the way. Thanks everyone for your feedback! :D

Once you were thoroughly out of breath he pulled away and you gasped working to pull air into your straining lungs. “I love you, Y/N.”

“Castiel…” you managed to reply, breathless.

“Please, do not joke about dying. I don’t think I could take it. You’ve been so close too many times already. I promise, I will protect you.”

You leaned forward and reclaimed his lips. “Who’s gonna protect you?”

With a smile he replied, “I thought that was what you were for.”

You kissed him again, jumping away when you heard a loud noise coming from the dungeon. Castiel took a protective stance around you. Looking up at him, “We should probably go make sure they aren’t breaking anything like bones or pride.”

  
Castiel took your hand and lead you downstairs. Seeing Crowley in the devil’s trap brought you back to the night months ago that had started all this crap. You felt the darkness pulling at you again. It had been a while and it was not a welcome feeling. You had figured the months of happiness were too good to last.

“Ah, the lady of the hour,” Crowley said when he saw you. “What’s kicking, Sissy.”

You flinched at the way he said your nick name. “What do you want, Crowley?”

“Heaven, Darling. And you’re gonna help me get it.”

“Not in a million years, Crowley,” Dean said with a snarl.

You felt yourself shrinking into Castiel’s side and didn’t realize you were holding his hand too tight. “Didn’t you hear Crowley, I can’t get pregnant so you’re out of luck where I stand.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure of that, darling. There’s more to you than you think.”  
You scoffed, “I made sure I could never get pregnant, asshat, so that you would leave me alone. Why can’t you just leave me alone?”

“Because you are too important to be invisible. Even if that is what you want. No matter where you go, I will find you. Fate is inevitable, and yours has come complete with a prophecy. One which I intend to fulfill.”

“Why have we let him live this long?” Sam rhetorically asked.

Dean made a face that communicated he thought that was a good question. Castiel had been strangely quiet throughout the whole exchange you but felt how stiff he was beside you. “If you kill him, there would be anarchy in hell and he knows that you don’t want that,” he finally said.

You looked up at him surprised. Apparently he had given that question a lot of thought. Dean and Sam shared a look too. You could tell the four of you were in deep crap.

“Finally figuring things out are we?” Crowley said, “You Winchesters, so righteous. When the prophecy was foretold, I’m sure the seer knew that Y/N would try to thwart who she was meant to be. Fate has a way of working out in its own favor. Now, you will let me out of here, and I will lick my wounds. You know, the more you bring me here, the easier it will be to find you on my own. Then what will you do? It’s only a matter of time. I will impregnate you and our love child will bring about the downfall of heaven and hell and chaos of my making will reign supreme.”

You were all glaring at him. “Let me out of here, now, Winchesters.”

Tears sprang to your eyes and you stumbled out of the room, trying to escape the truth you knew Crowley had just told. You had been so convinced it was over. You truly had believed it. You heard someone follow you but you didn’t stop until you had reached your room.

“Y/N,” Castiel called after you.

By the time he caught up with you, you had closed yourself in your closet and had crawled into a ball, curled in on yourself. Castiel came in to your room and called for you again. You shifted in your closet, knocking something over and the next thing you knew, your closet doors were opening. Seeing you on the floor, Cas crawled in too and shut the doors again. The two of you sat in silence for a moment before he manhandled you so you were between his legs, your back to his chest and his arms wrapped around you.

“Please talk to me, Y/N. I don’t want you becoming dark again.”

“I thought it was over, Castiel, I thought that I could go back to a life that was my definition of normal. What do I do now?”

He seemed to mull your words over for a moment, “Keep living one day at a time. Dean and Sam and I will protect you. Crowley isn’t going to get you. Besides, like you said, you made sure you couldn’t become pregnant.”

If you didn’t know better, you would say he sounded almost wistful. You turned slightly so that you could wrap your hands in his shirt. “When do you have to leave again?”

“Not for a while. I will be here as long as you need me.”

You stayed silent for a minute before making the decision to tell him, “I want to hurt myself again, Castiel. It’s a compulsion anytime I feel threatened. I mentally cannot stop myself from cataloging all the places where I have access to a weapon that could hurt myself. Unrelated note, I need my guns back if I’m ever going to hunt again.”

You felt him stiffen behind you, “Cas, I’m messed up. You of all people know that.”

He buried his head in your neck, “Please don’t hurt yourself again.”

“I’m trying not to,” you felt yourself shaking and burrowed yourself into Cas’s body.

Tears leaked out of your eyes that you couldn’t stop. Why was this so hard for you? You had always known your life wouldn’t be easy but it seemed to be harder for you than any other hunter you had met. At least, harder for you to handle.

“Cas! Y/N! Where’d you guys go?” you heard Dean call.

“In here, Dean!” Castiel replied.

“In where?” you could tell he was in your room now but you felt drained of energy and didn’t want to get up.

“In the closet.”

“So many jokes, so little time,” Dean said throwing open the doors. He stopped when he saw you though. “What are you guys doing?”

“Hiding,” you replied.

“From what?”

“Life.”

Dean made eye contact with Castiel but saw that he was just comforting you and didn’t have anything to add. “How long are you planning on staying in there?”

You shrugged and Castiel said, “Until Y/N feels better.”

“Okay…” Dean said somewhat drawn out. You could tell he was confused but you figured you’d pull the moody girl card.

“Crowley’s a dick.”

“Well, we all knew that. That’s not exactly news.”

“Where’s Sam?”

“Making sure all the wards are still in place so that Crowley can’t find us. Come on Sis, let’s watch a movie or something. Get your mind off of things, at least for a little bit.”

Dean reached out a hand and you took it, letting him pull you up, “I’ll even let you pick it. It can be a stupid chick flick,” he said, wrapping you in a hug before helping Castiel up too.

The three of you meandered to the living room. Sam seemed to be finishing up whatever he was doing to check the wards and joined you shortly.

“So what are we watching?” Dean asked.

“I don’t want to pick. You pick, De.”

He ruffled your hair, “Fine. But no complaining.”

“Please no Chuck Norris.”

“No Chuck Norris? Come on, he’s the best!”

You gave him your best bitch face, “Ugh, fine,” he finally said, picking something else and popping it in.

“Popcorn anyone?” Sam asked. With nods all around he went to the kitchen and you heard him rustling around. You and Cas were on the love seat and you curled in to him. Within a few minutes, Sam was back with the popcorn and the opening credits were playing.

You looked around at your boys. You were so glad they were in your life. With them on your side, you definitely had a chance of beating fate.


	9. Chapter 9

You woke with a start. The boys were all still watching the movie, chuckling at your flailing. “Bad dream?” Sam asked.

 

“I—I don’t even know what that was, sorry guys. How’s the movie?”

Castiel shushed you, intent on what was happening on the screen. He made you smile. He was so intense and focused when it came to things that you took for granted.

When the movie ended, your brothers were nodding off and Castiel looked at you as though he was full of questions. You smiled again, “Can you ask me your questions later? I’m tired, but I promise I will answer all of them tomorrow.”

“Ok, Y/N.”

You poked your brothers until they woke up enough to stumble to their rooms before heading for your own. Castiel followed you stopping in your doorway. “I don’t sleep,” he said.

You stopped what you were doing and looked at him, “Oh yeah,” you replied not sure what else to say. You felt real awkward real fast.

“Can I still stay here?” Castiel asked you.

“Of course. What would you like to do?”

“Can I stay in here with you?”

“Absolutely. Let me change and I’ll be right back.”

He nodded and you rushed to your bathroom. Once in sleeping shorts and a tank top, you went back into your room. Castiel was still standing right where you’d left him.

“What would you like to do Castiel?” you asked him trying not to shift your weight from foot to foot. For some reason you felt awkward. You and Castiel had literally seen each other at the worst moments of your lives and yet in this quiet moment, you couldn’t think of anything to say.

“May I hold you while you sleep?”

You felt a smile prick at your lips before you nodded. “Do you want something more comfortable to wear? I can steal some of Dean’s sweats and a t-shirt or something.”  
He nodded, “It would be nice to be clothed in something less constricting.”

You hurried to the laundry room and found something for Cas to wear. When you came back to your room, you handed them to him and in the blink of an eye, his typical outfit was folded on your chair and he looked almost bizarre in Dean’s clothes. You smiled.

“What?” he asked, looking somewhat self-conscious.

“I like seeing you in different clothes. It’s a good look.”

He wrapped you in a hug and pressed a kiss to your hair before he ushered you into bed. Snuggled against him, you slept better than you had all year.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

You woke up to something small jumping on your bed. You felt Castiel wrestling with it before you heard him whisper, “Shh, we should let Mommy sleep for a little longer.”

“But Daddy, I want pancakes,” you heard a little girl say.

“Is your brother up yet?”

“No, he’s still in his crib.”

You felt your heart wrench in your chest. Opening your eyes, you rolled over to see a little girl sitting on Castiel’s chest. She had your hair and Cas’s eyes.

“Mommy!” the little girl squealed before bouncing over to you to smother you in a hug. You felt tears burning behind your eyes. What was happening? Castiel pushed a kiss to your forehead before getting out of bed. “I’ll go wake up Clark. I’ll be right back. Good morning, Y/N.”

You listened to the little girl chattering about whatever had captured her imagination. A few minutes later, Cas came back and the room with a toddler on his hip. He looked just like you had always imagined Castiel would if he had ever been a baby. “Come on Joy, let’s go get breakfast.”

The little girl clambered off of the bed and you watched her follow Cas and the baby out of the room. You didn’t recognize the room but it had a feeling of home to it. Climbing out of the bed you went to the room’s bathroom finding a huge walk in closet. There were obviously two sides, one for a man and the other for a woman. You didn’t recognize any of the woman’s clothes. Assuming they were yours, you definitely had a different wardrobe these days. Whatever ‘these days’ were. You found some jeans and a t-shirt before following the voices you heard. The little boy was in a high chair and the girl was sitting in a booster seat. Castiel was puttering around the kitchen. You smelled coffee and the next thing you knew, Cas was handing you a mug with your coffee prepared just the way you liked it.

“Cas, what is going on?”

“What are you talking about?”

“I don’t understand what is going on.”

“What do you mean? It’s just a normal day.”

“I—the last thing I remember—we aren’t supposed to have kids,” you ended on a whisper.

“What are you talking about?”

The little girl had hopped down from her chair and was now demanding you pick her up. You did, and it felt so natural, as you pressed a kiss to her wispy hair. “Hi Mommy.”

“Hi—Joy.”

You felt tears prick at your eyes again. “Why you crying, Mommy?”

“Because you are a miracle,” you replied, pushing another kiss to her temple.

“What’s wrong, Y/N?” Castiel asked.

“What are we doing? Who are we?”

“We are the Novaks. We live in Wisconsin. We have two beautiful children, another on the way, a mortgage, two steady jobs.”

“We have a mortgage?”

“Yeah, how else do you think we could afford this place?” he replied with a chuckle. “Are you ok? You’re not acting like you," he asked, concern taking over his expression.

“Yeah, I just—need to go to the bathroom.”

You set the little girl down and went back to the bathroom in your bedroom. Once there, you closed and locked the door and dropped your pants, looking for your scars. They weren’t there. Your heart broke. This wasn’t real. There was no way this could be real. You slid to the floor trying to figure out what was going on. Maybe you had been taken by a Jinn. You stood again and something on the counter caught your attention. There were razors in Castiel’s shaving kit. The only way to wake up from a Jinn dream was to kill yourself right? There was a knock on the door, “Y/N, everything alright in there?”

“Uh, yeah, just not feeling very well.”

“It’s probably just morning sickness, right? Anything I can get for you?”

“No…thank you. I’ll be out in a moment,” you replied cringing when you heard your voice crack.

“Love you. Let me know how I can help.”

“I will, thank you.”

When you heard his footsteps leaving the room, you got ready. In your real life you had thought about doing this so many times before, it shouldn’t be that hard to actually do right?

As soon as the blade pierced your skin you screamed, violently waking up in your bed back at the bunker. Castiel had been reading on the other side of the bed, but was right there next to you as you tried to reorient yourself.

“Is everything ok?” he asked in the same voice he had used in your utopia.

“I had a dream where I thought I was captured by a Jinn.”

“I do not understand.”

“My life was everything I once dreamed it would be but I knew it was too good to be true.”

“What do you mean? What was too good to be true?”

“You…”

“Me?”

“And our kids.” He gave you his confused puppy dog look. “We were married and we had a house and we had two kids but I didn’t have any scars and you didn’t seem to know who you were or who we are or what us having kids would do.”

“We had kids?”

You nodded. You couldn’t keep eye contact with him, instead opting to look at your very interesting fingers that were fidgeting in your blanket. “A girl named Joy and a boy named Clark. And I was pregnant again,” you said, voice shrinking as you spoke.

Cas took both your hands in one of his before pressing a kiss to your forehead just like you had to your daughter in your dream. You had to fight tears again. Cas lightly touched your cheek until you made eye contact. You could get lost in the sea that swirled behind his eyes. You could identify pain and longing and love in those eyes and it made you feel like something was squeezing your heart. You leaned forward and kissed him, pouring your heart out to him in that kiss. Castiel kissed you back just as earnestly. You loved that he didn't always feel the need to fill the silence.

You pushed Castiel back until his back was against the bed. He wasn’t as fit as your brothers were, but he definitely could not be considered pudgy. Your hands traced his chest before running through his hair, giving him a nice bedhead look. The next thing you knew, you had been flipped to your back and Castiel was pushing you into your bed. “Castiel,” you whispered when managed to take a breath. “What are you doing?”

“Comforting you. This is what you need, right?”

You considered his words between the kisses he was covering you with. Oh, what the hell, you thought to yourself as you reclaimed his lips.


	10. Chapter 10

The next thing you knew, Castiel was pulling your shirt over your head.

“Cas, what are you doing to me?” you asked, feeling light-headed.

“Loving you,” he murmured against your skin.

“I’ve never done this before,” you said panting.

“It’s ok,” he said before reclaiming your lips, “We may not be able to have those kids like in your dream, but we can still be together.”

 

The next time you woke up, you were completely wrapped around Castiel. He was tracing patterns into your skin and it made goosebumps cover you. “You’re awake,” he whispered into your hair. You turned around so that you were facing him realizing that you were both still unclothed.

“Morning,” you murmured, still not completely conscious. You buried your face into his neck smelling his unique scent. Castiel pressed a kiss to your head.

“How are you feeling?”

“Wonderful. Better than I have in a while.”

“I didn’t hurt you did I?”

You shook your head, “Of course not.” Suddenly you realized your bladder was making a pressing need known to you and you disentangled yourself from Cas.

“What’s wrong?”

“I have to pee.”

“Oh,” he said making it easier for you to get out of bed. Remembering you were naked, you yanked a blanket off with you and wrapped it around you. After you were done peeing, you stood, looking at yourself in the mirror. There was a flush in your cheeks that you couldn’t remember ever being there before. You couldn’t help but smile. Wrapping the blanket back around you, you walked back into your room. Castiel had moved so that he was sitting up against your headboard with an arm resting on top looking completely at ease. More relaxed than you had seen him in a while anyway.

You leaned against the door staring at him with a goofy smile on your face. “Why are you looking at me like that?” he asked, but he couldn’t help but smile back.

“Because I love you,” you said before walking over to the bed again, crawling to sit next to him.

“You do realize your brothers are going to kill me right? I mean they do have an angel blade.”

“Cas, I thought we said no joking about dying. Our lives are too messed up to be joking about something that in all actuality could be a reality.”

“I’m sorry, you are right.”

You reached up and kissed Castiel again before moving to straddle him. You felt the stirrings of his interest again and you were well on your way to round two when there was a knock on the door. With an angry grunt you pulled away from Castiel before calling out, “What?”

“You guys awake in there?” Sam called through the door.

“Why? What do you want?” you asked but with your head buried in your pillow wishing the ground would swallow you up.

“Dean’s making breakfast and wants to know if you guys are eating.”

You looked at Castiel who had a smirk on his face. “Ugh, fine, we’ll eat breakfast.”

“Don’t make me pull your arm. What is wrong with you guys? Why is your door locked, Y/N?”

“Go away Sam, we’ll be out in a minute.”

“Did you guys? Oh god, I can’t go there. Just—have clothes on when you come out. God, mental images.”

You heard Sam walking away but you kept your head buried in your pillow. “Are you going to bring your head out of the pillow?”

“Nope, I’m waiting for it to swallow me whole.”

“I don’t understand again.”

You sat up, “Having the sex conversation with your brothers is awkward the first time. I don’t want to have it again.”

“Says the sister of the one-night stand king.”

“That is true. Dean used to use me to pick up chicks when we were little.”

“That is not how a sibling relationship is supposed to work.”

“Please feel free to have a conversation with him about that. I want to hear him stumble over his words.”

“Stumble over his words?”

“I like seeing him uncomfortable. Boyfriend versus brother would be a fun conversation to watch.”

“Boyfriend?” Cas asked with a smile.

“I—well—that is if you want to—I mean—”

Castiel put a finger against your lips, effectively silencing you, “I would love to be your boyfriend.” You felt yourself turn bright red and felt like any words you had ever learned flew out of your head, “Does that mean I can call you my girlfriend?”

You nodded feeling yourself turn even more red. Thankfully, you were interrupted by your stomach growling. The smell of bacon was permeating the bunker and it was having an effect on your appetite. Castiel snapped his fingers and you were both clothed again,

“I have sex hair,” you whispered.

Castiel smiled, “I like it.”

“But then Dean will know!”

“If Sam already knows, won’t he tell Dean?”

“Not necessarily. Sometimes Sam is on my side. Plus Sam doesn’t like talking about it with Dean either,” you said as you used a hair tie to put your hair in a messy bun.

Castiel kissed you before the two of you left your room and went to the kitchen. Sam was at the bar working on something on his laptop. Dean was in the process of cooking bacon and French toast.

“Dean, seriously, who are you and when did you learn to cook like this?” you asked, seeing the feast he was preparing.

“When I lived with Lisa,” he said sadly, “Plus someone had to figure out how to feed the two of you every day when we were growing up,” he said with a bit of snark.

You leaned into Cas and he wrapped an arm around you.

“What’s with you two?” Dean asked, “Where’d you go last night, Cas?”

“Nowhere, I stayed with Y/N.”

“’Stayed with,’ you mean you—oh God, why would you tell me that?”

“Dean, calm down, I’m an adult, suck it up,” you replied. You saw Sam blushing but avoiding eye contact.

The four of you had a wonderful breakfast and then went about your business. Dean was looking for a case, feeling antsy and Sam was looking into things with Crowley some more. You were getting tired of researching so you opted to continue Castiel’s movie education. So far, it'd been a learning experience for you too and you were loving it.


	11. Chapter 11

The credits were rolling for another movie when you opened your drowsy eyes, finding your head in Castiel’s lap. He was already poised with questions about the latest movie. At least that’s what you thought.

“Are you ok?” he asked as you sat up, rubbing the sleep from your eyes.

“Yeah, I probably just didn’t get enough sleep last night,” you said with a cheeky smile that faltered when Castiel didn’t smile back.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m just worried about you.”

“Nothing to worry about, Cas.”

“Other than the demons who are after you and your own mental health,” he said sardonically.

You gave a sad smile. Your emotions had been all over the place in the last five minutes. You leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Castiel’s cheek. “I’m ok Castiel. I’m going to be ok. Especially with my guardian angel by my side.”

Castiel still looked very serious. Trying to lighten the mood you rubbed the five o’clock shadow on his face, “I’m liking the scruff. I don’t know that I’ve ever really seen you with facial hair. I know Dean has, what with the whole Purgatory thing, but I think it makes you look daring.”

“Why are you talking about my hair? There are more important things to worry about.”

You chuckled, “But I like your hair,” you said as you ruffled it with your hands.

“Crowley is a serious threat and I don’t like him threatening you. I don’t understand it. He has threatened me and your brothers so many times and while I don’t like it, it doesn’t quite fill me with the same rage as when he threatened you.”

“It’s just a threat, Castiel, I have you guys to keep me safe from him. And let’s be real, you guys aren’t planning on letting me out of your sight any time soon.”

“That is true. We won’t let anything happen to you.” He wrapped his arms around you and you crawled onto his lap, straddling him as he tucked you in to him.

“After everything you have been through, why do you still want to help us? Humans, that is.”

He took a moment, probably mulling over your words, “Because you are worth it. You are so amazing and resourceful and innovative. And you believe whole-heartedly in the power of love.”

“Love is pretty amazing,” you said pulling away before pressing a kiss to his lips. He pulled away somewhat disgruntled.

“Not just romantic love, familial love and friendship and soulmates and just a general overall love for human kind. There is a loyalty you have for each other. People will help other people who are hurting or in trouble for no other reason than that they are humans. It’s why I have been trying to atone for what I have done.”

“Atone? What are you talking about?”

“It’s why I wanted to stay in Purgatory. Everything I have ever done in pursuit of mending things between heaven, hell, everything that has been messed up since my Father has left has back fired on me.”

You put a finger against his lips, staunching his flow of words, “Now who’s going dark?”

He met your eyes and you saw the tempest swirling behind them, “I believe the sentiment you like you express is, ‘Why me?’”

You kissed him again but were interrupted by one of your brothers walking in. Of course it was Dean, “Ew, God, why would you guys do something like that? Especially where I live.”

Castiel jumped and was working to get you off his lap, but you were putting up a good fight, starting to laugh. It was a big belly laugh and when you finally let Cas push you off you were laughing so hard you couldn’t breathe. Dean and Cas were both looking at you like you were crazy, but at this point, you probably were.

“Dean, come on, let it go dude,” you said, wiping tears from your eyes. Castiel looked like he wanted to help you but wasn’t sure what to do and instead was standing there awkwardly.

“I am not going to let it go, Y/N, you’re my baby sister. You’re supposed to stay little with pig tails and Barbies all that crap.”

“You know I’ve never played with Barbies, Dean.”

Instantly the mood was gone and everyone turned serious again. “What’s up, Dean? Why were you coming in here before you interrupted?”

“Sam found something we were going to go check out, I was just coming to tell you.”

“What is it?”

“We’re not sure, that’s why we were going to check it out.”

“Don’t lie to me, Dean Winchester.”

“I’m not—”

“I always know when you lie to me, Dean. You and Sam both, I’ve always been able to tell.”

“We got a lead and we don’t know what it is and we don’t want you to worry.”

“Like hell,” you said standing up, and getting close to him, ready for a fight. You weren’t expecting Castiel to take their side. You saw Dean throw a look over your shoulder at the angel who suddenly had his hands on your shoulders.

“You should stay here, Y/N,” Castiel said.

“But…”

“No buts, Y/N, we need you to stay safe and keeping you here will keep you safe,” your brother replied. “Cas will watch you. Hell, you can do all the things I don’t want to know about. I just need to know that you will be safe. Crowley won’t find you here.”

“Dean, come on, you don’t know if it’s even dangerous.”

“Y/N, I have lost everyone else too many times, I am not going to lose you too.”

You rolled your eyes, “You can’t leave me locked up in here forever.”

“Not forever, just till we get this all figured out.”

You tried making puppy dog eyes at him, hoping another tactic might work.

“Nope, don’t even try it. Sam’s a lot better at it than you are.”

You sighed, throwing your hands up in exasperation, “Fine. Just be sure you guys come back to me.”

“Always,” he said with a chuckle.

“Did you just quote Harry Potter to me?”

“Maybe.”

You shook your head, “Ugh, fine, just go, get outta here.”

Dean smiled and rumpled your hair before heading back to find Sam. Cas was still at your back and wrapped his arms around you when you wilted. “I hate when they leave me behind. I can’t watch their backs that way.”

“They will be ok.”

“I hope so.”


	12. Chapter 12

You and Castiel spent the rest of the day lounging around the bunker. You looked at all of Sam’s notes hoping it would give you something useful, or even let you know where your boys were going. At one point Castiel brought you food and wouldn’t leave you alone until you ate it. Needing a purpose, you threw yourself into research. There was so much information to know. You had no awareness of the passing of time, but soon Castiel was interrupting you again. 

“You should get some rest. I don’t know that I have ever seen you this focused on something.”

“I’m fine, Cas,” you said with a smile.

“I would still feel better if you ate and slept.”

“What time is it?”

“A little after eleven.”

“Oh, wow. Where has the day gone?”

“I’d say in those piles of books you have looked at.”

You rubbed your eyes, suddenly realizing how tired you were. Castiel tucked some of your hair behind your ear before taking your hand and leading you to your room. “Why don’t you take a shower and then I will have food for you once you are done and then you can get some rest.”

“What, are you saying I smell or something?” you asked with a chuckle. 

“No, I just thought you found them relaxing,” he said, confused. 

You smiled, amazed at how loved he made you feel even though you hadn’t been in a relationship long. “I do. Thank you, Castiel. I’ll be out in a few minutes.”

He nodded and left the room before you climbed under the torrent of hot water. You took longer than you had intended to, enjoying the heat and thinking about everything. When you came out you felt lighter and hearing Castiel puttering in the kitchen filled you with a joy you had never felt before. You threw on some shorts and a tank top before walking out to the kitchen. Your hair was still up in a towel drying and Cas was finishing up the last touches on a meal for you. It was your favorite. How he knew you didn’t know, but there was all the pieces. Chicken, mashed potatoes, and steamed vegetables.

“That smells amazing, Castiel. How did you know all this was my favorite? And how did you even know how to make it?”

“I, uh, asked Sam what your favorite foods were and then Jimmy used to love cooking.”

“That was very thoughtful of you, thank you. Is Jimmy still in there?” you asked, sitting down as he served you.

“No, but I can access his memories. I like to think he is up in heaven, happy, despite everything he went through because of me.”

You put your hand against his face, checking to see where his head was at. Satisfied with what you saw there, you sat back in your seat and picked up a fork, “Are you not eating?”

“Angel, love, I don’t have to.”

“Oh yeah,” you said blushing at the term of endearment. You took a bite of potatoes and it was like an orgasm in your mouth. “Oh my god, Castiel you are becoming my full time personal chef.”

“You like it?” he asked as though unsure. 

Putting more food in your mouth you nodded with a happy moan. Castiel had a satisfied smile on his face as he started cleaning the dishes he had used. As soon as you were full, Cas washed your plate and silverware and you went to brush your hair, hoping it wasn’t permanently stuck in the shape of the towel. 

You were running the brush through your hair for the last time when Cas joined you in the bathroom. “How did you make your hair so fluffy?”

You chuckled, “I blow-dried it.”

“I was wondering what that sound was. Ready for bed?”

You nodded and he ushered you under your covers, “Will you stay again tonight?”

“What do you mean?”

“My room is lonely without you.” He smiled fondly and crawled in beside you, “You ok, Cas? You seemed less than ok earlier.”

“You give me focus, and that’s good for me. It keeps me from dwelling.”

“Diverting things only works for a little bit, my brothers and I epitomize that concept. Is there anything else you want to talk through?”

“Like what?”

“Like your affinity for blaming everything on yourself, just like my brothers.”

“You are tired, Y/N, we should talk in the morning.”

“Then read me a bedtime story.”

“What?”

“A bedtime story. You know, princesses, dragons, knights-in-shining armor, all that stuff.”

“I don’t know any.”

“Then make one up.”

“Uh, how?” 

“Use your imagination, silly.”

“I don’t think I have one.”

“Then tell me a real story. Tell me something about yourself, maybe about your brothers or when you were little. Were you ever little?”

Castiel started telling you something about heaven and after a few minutes of his soothing voice you drifted off to sleep.


	13. Chapter 13

You woke up to the feeling of someone’s hands running through your hair. “You’re gonna make my hair greasy,” you mumbled.

“Do you want me to stop?” Cas asked in his heavenly growl.

“No,” you grumbled back, burying in to chest.

“Good morning, my love.”

“Hi.”

“You awake?”

“Unuh,” you grumbled, burrowing in deeper. Castiel wrapped his arms around you and started humming a song. You couldn’t quite place it.

“What song is that?”

“It’s a hymn, I’ve had it stuck in my head for a few days.”

“I like it.”

You both lay there for a few minutes as you listened to him humming again. You could hear his heartbeat and you wished you could drift off to sleep again but you were definitely awake. “What did you do all night?” you asked.

“I was here, just thinking.”

“About what?”

“About what you said last night.”

“What did I say?” you asked, wishing you had coffee for this conversation.

“You said I shouldn’t blame myself.”

“And I was right, so what was there to think about?”

“The fact that maybe I have been hard on myself. With Metatron and the angels and the apocalypse and Lucifer and everything, eventually I have to let things go. Otherwise I can’t move forward.”

“And where is forward?”

“You,” he said pushing a kiss to your lips.

You smiled as he began to push you in to the mattress, “I have morning breath, my dear.”

“I don’t care.”

Castiel managed to wedge a knee between your legs and you felt your abdomen clinch with the most beautiful feeling. You brought your hands up to his hair and he moaned when you tugged. His mouth moved to your neck and you took a deep breath into your burning lungs. You pulled at his shirt, pulling it over his head, feeling his muscles flex under your hands. You lightly ran your nails down his chest and it was his turn to gasp. 

Pulling away, Castiel eased your shirt from your body, glad you never bothered to put a bra on after your shower yesterday. He kissed his way down your torso causing goosebumps to cover your skin. When he reached the scar from your attempt to thwart the prophecy, he pushed several kisses into the areas which were still angry red. He slowly worked your shorts off, running his hands along your legs and kissing your scars on your thighs. Naked before him, you had to fight feelings of self-consciousness. Noticing your discomfort, Castiel asked, “Is this ok?”

“Yes,” you answered, breathlessly, “I’m just not used to this.”

“Even though it’s selfish, I am happier than I should be knowing I am the only man who has seen you like this. I wish I had the forethought to save myself for you.”

His words made you blush, “It is ok. There is no way either of us could have seen our paths bringing us here.”

“I love you, Y/N,” he said. He was crawling back up your body and the direction he was heading made you blush even more red. You jumped when you felt his tongue against your clit. “Oh my—Castiel, what—”

“Shh…just let me love you.”

 

 

Three orgasms later, you and Castiel were reveling in post-coital bliss, but other needs were making their presence known. Your stomach growled loud enough that Cas heard it and chuckled. “Let’s go get you some food.”

“And coffee.”

“And coffee,” he replied with a chuckle. 

You grabbed Cas’s shirt to put on and found a fresh pair of underwear. Castiel put on his jeans and moved to the kitchen. After relieving your bowels you looked at yourself in the mirror. You could get used to this life. But, at the same time, there was a part of you that knew it couldn’t last. Deciding not to dwell, you walked out to the kitchen to find Castiel making pancakes. You smiled at the picture he made in only his jeans which were temptingly riding low on his hips. It was hard to remember what he was like when he first came down to Earth. Especially with him totaling dominating in the kitchen. 

You came up behind him and wrapped your arms around him in a quick but firm hug before working on making some coffee. You handed him a cup as he flipped pancakes and he took the mug with a smile. He placed a kiss to your forehead as he set a plate in front of you. It was almost becoming a tradition. He was doing dishes while you ate and soon you were back in the thick of research. 

 

A few days later, your brothers came in groaning from being on the road.

“Hey guys,” you called as they walked in. “Kitchen’s stocked. How’d it go?”

“It was a bust. We got nada,” Dean said, throwing his stuff down.

“How is the kitchen stocked?” Sam asked, “You’re not supposed to leave.”

“I didn’t, Cas did.”

“Ah, Cas, yes, where is your lover?” Dean asked with snark.

You shook your head at your brother’s animosity, “He’s watching a movie. He got tired of watching me do research.”

“Why isn’t he helping with the research?” Sam asked.

“I don’t think he has enough of an attention span anymore,” you said with a chuckle.

“Find anything useful?” Sam asked, sitting next to you as Dean took an inventory of the kitchen.

“No, just more of the same. I’m working to organize it, I guess.”


	14. Chapter 14

Weeks passed, and life continued. For the first time since you started ‘dating’ Castiel had to leave and check what was going on upstairs. You were bored. Your brothers weren’t letting you leave the bunker and you were going stir crazy; enough so that you felt like you were coming down with something. You were tired all the time and were just about in a constant state of being nauseous. You mentioned it to your brothers hoping they would let you leave. It almost worked. Dean and Sam both accompanied you to the door of the bunker and you stood there for a whole five minutes enjoying the sun and fresh air and the breeze before they ushered you back inside. 

“Come on guys, I can’t stay cooped up forever.”

“You can and you will,” Dean said.

“I can’t, come on I’m a Winchester, I was born for the road, to be outside. Hitting the pavement, working cases. The family business, you know.”

“We need you to be safe, Sissy.”

You sighed as you sat at the table, “Fine.”

You heard the fluttering of wings and your angel was suddenly back beside you. You stood and lept into his arms and he caught you easily, holding you tight against him. Your brothers made themselves scarce and you and Cas made your way to your room in what was quickly a full-blown make-out session. Castiel had you pushed up against your door when he stopped suddenly.

“What is it?” you asked, breathing heavily.

“There’s someone else here,” he said, setting you down slowly, looking around your room.

“What are you talking about?”

“There’s another heartbeat,” he started looking around the room, checking under your bed and in your bathroom. “I do not understand, there is no one else here.”  
Your heart was beating unnaturally fast. “Cas?”

He looked at you, worry on his face, “When your heartbeat sped up, so did the other one.”

“Castiel, you’re scaring me. What is going on?”

Cas walked over to where you were still standing by the door. He was looking straight at your face but when he stood directly in front of you, his eyes dropped to your waistline.

“No,” you whispered feeling your knees go weak. “No. No…I can’t…no”

Castiel caught you as your legs completely gave out. You couldn’t stop saying those words over and over again. Castiel seemed to be just as shocked as you. You were both on the floor and you couldn’t handle what had just been revealed. Everything your body had been telling you made sense now. You broke down in full hysterics. Castiel didn’t know what to do so he called for your brothers who came tearing in to your rescue.

“What did you do, Cas?” Dean yelled.

“Dean, not helping,” Sam said, “What happened?”

“She’s, you sister, she…we,” Cas couldn’t seem to spit it out either. 

Sam helped you stand up and make your way over to your bed where he worked to help you get your breathing under control. Dean took on Castiel, working to get him to a point where he could make a coherent thought.

“Y/N is pregnant,” Castiel finally managed to say. 

“What!?!” Dean shouted, making you jump and took away whatever progress you had made with your panic attack. Castiel was finally at a place where he could take over Sam’s role of comforting you. Cas put your head against his heart and started rubbing circles into your back in a slow tempo. You made yourself focus until you had your breathing back under control. Nobody was saying anything and you couldn’t wrap your brain around everything that was going on. What the hell was going on anyway?

That night, you couldn’t sleep. No matter what your brothers or Castiel tried, you couldn’t relax enough. The next morning you made an appointment with the doctor who had helped you at the hospital when you went in for the stab wound. You guys came up with a story about how Dr. Linman was the only doctor who they could go to because she already had knowledge of what you were going through. 

You were sitting in the examination room, but you made your boys wait outside when the doctor came in. They went begrudgingly, but you knew they didn’t want to hear about your lady-bits. “Hello again, Mrs. Allan,” the doctor said as she came in. 

“Just going to run some routine tests to verify that you are indeed pregnant and then we’ll see if we need to do anything to keep that baby in you with all that scar tissue.”

“What?” you said, trying to wrap your mind around what she had just said.

“The amount of scar tissue from your attack, honestly it’s a miracle that you conceived at all. Now, keeping the pregnancy to term, that will be another issue.”

“So…I am pregnant,” you said as though there were any doubt.

“Yes, my dear. Preliminary tests show that you are pregnant.”

You felt something clench around your heart. “How?”

“I don’t know yet, but I would like to do an ultrasound to determine what all is going on in there.”

You nodded your head and she began to prep everything. “Can…Can my husband come in for this part?”

The doctor gave a small smile before she sent a nurse out to get Cas for you. When he came in, he made straight for you, taking your hand in his. “What is going on?” he asked.

“We are going to do an ultrasound to take a look at the fetus,” Dr. Linman supplied.

“We are going to see it?” Castiel asked like a lost puppy. You squeezed his hand, jumping when the doctor rubbed the cool gel onto your stomach. “Are you ok?” Cas asked, concerned. You smiled up at him, “Yeah, it’s just cold.”

After a minute you could hear the heartbeat sounding over the machine. You felt tears come to your eyes, now you knew what Cas had already heard. No matter the circumstances surrounding your life, that sound was the most beautiful thing to ever enter your ears. “Oh my God,” you whispered seeing a grey smudge on the screen. “Is that—?”

“Yes, you’re right, Mrs. Allan, there is the fetus right there. Strong heartbeat, everything looks in order. Now I’m going to look around and see if everything is working correctly and if there’s anything we should be concerned about. I will need to take a blood sample, too.”

You stiffened, letting someone have your blood was too risky. “Do you have to take my blood?”

“It is the most effective way to make sure everything is in order.”

“I don’t want you to.”

“Ok, I won’t,” she said, obviously assuming you were still traumatized. “From what I can see here, your fallopian tube which wasn’t completely severed healed back together enough to drop an egg. My guess is your husband has quite the sperm for this to work.”

You looked up at Cas and saw that he had a pink tinge on his cheeks. “Can…can we have a copy?” you asked, quietly. You had no idea how these things worked since you were so far removed from reality.

“Of course,” Dr. Linman said with a smile, “I’ll need you to come in every couple of months or so, so we can check progress. As of now, I’d say your about nine weeks along.”

You nodded, but you were distracted by the nurse handing you a picture and a disk, “Wait, did you say nine?”

The doctor nodded and you started doing the math in your head, it had to have been the first time you and Cas had slept together. Talk about angel sperm. Shit, angel sperm. Everything came back to again: the consequences that came with this baby. You felt all the blood drain from your face as you started to stand. Castiel supported you as you made your way to the waiting room. Dean and Sam took care of all of the paperwork as you and Castiel made your way to the parking lot.

“Y/N, are you ok?”

“No. I am far from ok. Cas…this isn’t supposed to happen,” you said, hands shaking as you looked at the little picture with what looked like a jelly bean hanging out in the middle of it. Your brothers joined you shortly and you returned to the bunker not saying anything. As soon as you were inside though, Dean broke the ice, “So?”

With a shaking hand you gave Dean the little picture you had clutched since you had received it. He took it and Sam looked at it over his shoulder, “So it’s true.”

You nodded, taking the picture back. “What’s on the disc?” Sam asked.

“I think a video of the ultrasound,” you said handing it to him. He put it into the disc player on his laptop and soon the video popped up so your brothers could see what you had in the doctor’s office. You had slowly sunk down into a chair, staring at nothing, trying to process what to do.

Sam made a surprised gasp as he saw the screen, tears coming to his eyes. Dean seemed completely stoic. 

“Guys, what do we do?” you finally asked, tears coming to your eyes again. No one seemed to have anything to say in response to that.


	15. Chapter 15

A few months passed and you had quite the belly going. It was time to go in for another check-up. Supposedly you could find out the gender of the baby now. You were going stir crazy again. Now, with the baby, you were under even tighter lock down. Your brothers and Castiel hadn’t gone anywhere either. In fact, they found a way to get Charlie and Dorothy back as well so that you had reinforcements. There had been a lot of chatter from both demons and angels trying to figure out what was going on. The Winchesters didn’t go into hiding for something small, after all. 

You were all going for the avoidance technique. You didn’t talk about it, you didn’t couldn’t think about it. You dealt with your weird food cravings and your moodiness and everything else that went along with your pregnancy. 

A few days before, you had felt the baby move for the first time. You looked down at your belly with a gasp and everyone around you jumped to make sure you were ok. Of course, Castiel was there first. He had hardly left your side since the revelation.

“What is it, my love?” he asked, hovering.

“The baby…it…moved,” you said in awe. Castiel kneeled beside you and placed a hand to your abdomen hoping the baby would move again. Everyone resettled into their seats as you looked at Castiel. His face was probably a reflection of yours, elated as well as terrified.

“Castiel, what are we going to do?”

You felt a collectively shared look from everyone else in the room before they made themselves scarce. Cas looked up and met your eyes, “I do not know, Y/N, but I do know that I will be right here with you through everything.”

“I’m so scared.”

“I know,” he whispered, “I am too. But that’s why we have each other.”

 

 

The plan for the appointment was for Charlie and Dorothy to go to the hospital first and scout it to make sure there were no demons or angels around the place, then find the room you would be examined in and ward it against both with an invisible ink. Then they would keep watch for anything out of the ordinary. Cas, Dean, and Sam would accompany you and keep you safe. Cas would go in the room with you while Dean and Sam kept watch outside. 

Everything was going to plan. Once in the room, Dr. Linman was her usual charming self. “Well mom and dad, do you want to know the gender?” You and Castiel shared a look. It still didn’t feel real, but you nodded anyway. 

“You guys are going to be having a girl. She looks perfectly healthy and she is developing right on track.”

You wanted to cry. Every day, this was becoming more real. Your poor baby girl was going to be hunted for the rest of her life, and so were you. Thankfully, the good doctor assumed your emotion was because of the gender reveal. Once you were cleaned up, you couldn’t listen to what the doctor was saying, instead curling yourself into Castiel’s side. You assumed he was getting all the information Dr. Linman was imparting. When done, you had new pictures to take with you and a pamphlet of instructions and a prescription for vitamins. Once outside the door to the room, Dean and Sam flanked you again. Dean’s phone rang and you all stopped as he answered it.

“Yeah.”

“Hey Dean, its Charlie, we got movement. I’d say we should up our invitation list to 8 or so.”

“Shit, black or white?”

“Uh…black would be good.”

Dean hung up his phone looking at the rest of you. “We got company. Eight from down under.”

Your knees felt weak again. You leaned heavily on Castiel, but he seemed to be struggling to. Sam led both of you to chairs, “What is it, Cas?”

“I think the warding, I think it was affecting me. My grace has been weakened enough that I can’t rely on it.”

“What are we gonna do?” you asked, too tired to try and come up with a plan. 

Thankfully, Dean looked like he was working on one. He was on his phone again, “How many can the two of you take out on your own?”

He apparently didn’t like the answer. “Well then can you at least just take care of one exit?”

“Kay, I’ll run out and get the car. The two of you will make us an opening and Sam will get Y/N and Castiel to the car. Then, get out as soon as you can, ok? Everyone on board?”

He must have received an affirmative from Charlie because he started helping you to stand and you guys headed for an elevator. Once on the ground floor, Dean left you guys in the entryway. Checking the doors, he made a break for it. You guys were standing, waiting and your nerves were frayed. You felt the baby fluttering in your belly and you put a hand on your bump, trying to calm it and you at the same time. Sam was watching for the car and you heard a scuffle outside, Castiel left your side to look out the window. He was only a few feet away when you felt an excruciating pain start in your lower back.

Screaming, you felt the blade pierce completely through your body. Looking down, you saw a silver tip showing through your belly with a white light shining around the edges. Sam was looking at the person who stabbed you, but Castiel was frozen looking at your eyes when you looked up to find him. You heard an all too familiar voice behind you, “Fancy meeting you here, Darling,” Crowley snarled. “You didn’t think you could keep something like this from me did you?”

You fell to the floor. You heard scrambling as though the hospital workers were working to figure out what was going on. Sam was behind you, trying to take down Crowley. You felt Castiel cradling your head. You spent several precious seconds trying to get your eyes to focus on your angel. When your eyes finally saw blue, your body realized the excruciating pain it was in. You whimpered, and took another second trying to get air in your screaming lungs, “I love you,” you managed to say before you succumbed to the darkness you had wanted to meet so many times before.


	16. Chapter 16

You felt like you were floating. Everything was bright but it wasn’t too harsh. “You there, Y/N?” you heard a voice ask.

Opening your eyes you saw you were laying in a bed, but it wasn’t your bed and it wasn’t a hospital bed. The voice belonged to someone you never expected to see, John. “Dad?”

“Hey Sissy, how you feeling?”

“Where am I?”

“Somewhere safe.”

“How long have I been here? What about my baby? What are you?” you asked, feeling desperate. 

“Hey, hey, hey, it’s ok,” he said, pushing you back to the bed. “You are safe. You are here to heal. You will be ok.”

“Where is here?”

“Your mind.”

“Then why are you here?”

“Ouch,” he said with a sarcastic hand to his heart. “I’m your father, why wouldn’t I be here?”

“Because you would never be a Dad of the year candidate.”

“Then I suggest you wake up soon because otherwise, I’m all you got.”

 

You felt a pain again and you sat up with a start. The room you were in was gone and a new one took its place. This room had your boys in it though. You much preferred it. Sam was by your side first, trying to get you to take it easy. Dean was there next. You did an inventory of the room and found that Cas was not there. Looking down, you saw you still had your bump. Pulling up your shirt, you saw a circular scar where you had seen the blade poking through you before.

“Where’s Castiel?” was the first question out of your mouth.

“Hey, it’s ok,” Sam said. It was too reminiscent of John. You knew something was up. 

“What happened?”

Your brothers shared a look. The look you knew was nothing good. Neither said anything as Sam helped bring a cup of water to your lips. When you were done, you gripped his wrist in your hand with more strength than you had thought you could muster. “Where is my angel?” you demanded.

Sam pried your fingers off of him as he sat in the chair he had vacated when you woke up. Dean sat on the edge of your bed. “We need you to promise to stay calm for the sake of the baby.”

“She’s still alive?”

“It’s a girl?” Sam asked in awe.

You nodded. “Are you gonna be calm?” Dean asked.

You sat back into the pillows of the bed. Satisfied that you wouldn’t freak out, Dean took a deep breath, “What is the last thing you remember?”

“Dying,” you said bluntly.

“Ok, well, my understanding is that when Crowley stabbed you, Cas was in such pain that he sent out a world-wide SOS to every angel. They descended on the hospital. All the demons were wiped out, Crowley was sent back to hell and they circled you. We were kept away from you. When they finally disappeared, Cas did too and you were laying on the floor, nothing but scars. Dr. Linman checked you out and both you and the baby are ok. Now that the angels know that you are pregnant, you are priority number one in terms of protection.”

“Where are we? This isn’t the bunker.”

“No, we have been squirreled away to a safe house of sorts.”

“Like you were before the apocalypse?” Dean nodded. “I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to do this. Why can’t they leave us alone?”

“As they said, because you are destined.” 

Tears pricked at your eyes, “Where’s Castiel?”

Dean and Sam shared another look, “We don’t know. They won’t tell us.”

“How am I still alive? How is my baby still alive, that was an angel-blade, wasn’t it?”

“We don’t know. My guess is it has something to do with Cas disappearing.”

“No,” you said as you felt all the air leave your lungs, you were moving to stand up again. “No, please tell me he did not sacrifice himself for us.”

“There’s no way to know what he did. We can’t find him.”

You stood up and went to the door, naturally it was locked. “Y/N, please take it easy,” Sam said, “You were just stabbed. Moving around can’t be a good thing.”

“No. I need Cas, I need…” you were sobbing again. You couldn’t control it. Stupid pregnancy hormones. You collapsed to the floor. You were over this. You were over this whole thing. Sam was rubbing circles into your back and Dean started pacing. 

 

Days passed and yet nothing changed. The angels had taken away everything you had of the outside world. Days passed into week and weeks passed into months. You had a running tally of the days kept in captivity. It wasn’t often that the Winchesters were stuck and none of you liked it. Dean had probably made a groove in the floor from his constant pacing and Sam had read the four books in the room twice. You spent the time going over every memory you had of Cas and told them all to your baby. She was quite the kicker. Your brothers enjoyed feeling her kick. Occasionally you let yourselves talk about the future, and about the past. Reminiscing and dreaming. You guys talked baby names, but nothing felt right without talking to Cas about it. With all your being you wished he was there.

 

 

You were ready to pop. You had done the math and you could go into labor anytime now. You didn’t know if your brothers had realized it but since nothing had changed in your monotonous daily routine, you assumed they hadn’t. There was always a fully stocked refrigerator and pantry which somehow knew what cravings you needed fulfilled. You were munching away on a baked potato saturated in ranch dressing when you felt the first twinge, just a cramp across your abdomen, but it made you grunt.

“You ok?” Sam asked from his book.

“Uh, yeah, fine,” you said rubbing your belly.

Dean had started reading too just because of his sheer boredom. You had had no contact with any anyone other than your brothers since you had been brought to this room. If you thought you felt trapped in the bunker, it was nothing compared to what you felt now. You wanted out. You needed out. You couldn’t give birth to your baby in captivity.

It was your turn to start pacing. You followed Dean’s typical path through the room and you sensed your brothers watching you. “Y/N, what is it?” Dean finally asked.

About half an hour had passed and you had had two more cramps since that first one. “I need Cas,” you whispered. Sam stood up to wrap you in a hug. 

“What is it, Sissy?”

“I can’t have my baby without her dad being here.”

“What are you talking about, what’s different?”

“I’m—I’m going into labor, Sam.”

Dean stood up on the alert, “What!?!”

“I can’t do this without him. I need him. I need Castiel. I’ve tried praying to him, I’ve tried everything. If he’s not here, he has to be dead. I can’t do this without him. He can’t be gone.” Another cramp hit you, but this time it was enough to double you over with a cry.

Sam caught you when your knees buckled, “Y/N?” he led you to the bed and you sat down, but you couldn’t stay seated. You stood only to start pacing again.

“I wanna go home,” you said quietly.

Dean and Sam were hovering, they seemed unusually awkward. “Home?” Dean asked, confused. 

“The bunker. Hell, I’d even take a hospital right now and you guys know how much I love hospitals,” you said full of spite. 

Dean wrapped you in a hug but let you go when you grunted in pain again. You were over this whole contraction thing. Your brothers didn’t know how to help you so they let you do your own thing. Hours passed before you felt something different.  
Your contractions were coming closer and closer together. You felt a lot of pressure before there was a gush between your legs. You gasped and your brothers moved into action again.

“Who the hell put us in here?” Dean yelled, “Are they just gonna make you give birth here and then make you raise the kid here?”

You could tell he was panicking. Sam on the other hand was always better in a pinch and went right into nurse mode. “Come on, Y/N, let’s get you into bed.”

“I can’t, Sam. I need Cas.”

“I know, Sissy, but he’s not here and we need to make the most of this situation.”

“I don’t want either of you looking at my lady parts.”

“I don’t want to either, but again, we’re all you got. We don’t know what we’re doing, but it’s gonna be ok. This kid was meant to be, right?”

You whimpered through another contraction. “I feel like I need to push, Sam.”

“I would suggest you listen to your body then. Now, we need to get your pants off.”

You shook your head. There was no way you were taking your pants off in front of your brothers. “Y/N, if you don’t let your body do what it is telling you, things could go bad.”

You looked at him for a moment, through another contraction before you finally admitted that it was time. You eased your pants off before pulling yourself up to the top of the bed, leaning against the pillows. Sam was giving Dean instructions, but you weren’t listening, too busy trying to deal with the pain wracking your body. Dean came to the bed and clambered up behind you, apologizing as he jostled you. Once he was settled with you leaning against him, he took a wet rag to wipe the sweat off your forehead. 

Sam went down to the edge of the bed to see what was happening downstairs. “Oh my god, I can see hair.”

“What?” you screeched.

“The baby is crowning.”

Dean braced you as another contraction hit. You pushed with all your might, wanting this to be over as soon as possible. Fifteen minutes later, you felt a tight pain and then a rush before you heard the sweetest sound you had ever heard. Your baby let out a whimper that turned quickly into a full on cry. Sam had caught her in his outstretched hands, but placed her against your chest when you reached for her. You started crying, and you couldn’t stop. Your daughter was finally in your arms. 

“She’s beautiful,” Dean said at your shoulder. You sagged against him. 

“I need to cut the umbilical cord. I’ll be back. Seconds later, Sam was tying the cord and then cutting it with sterilized scissors. There was one last contraction and then your whole body relaxed. Sam got a warm, wet rag and then worked to clean off the gunk that was on your baby. Your brothers shared a look over your shoulder and from the joy on Sam’s face, you assumed it was a good look. The little bundle in your arms opened her eyes revealing a bright blue that rivaled her father’s. 

There was a loud noise from outside the room and the joy instantly changed to anger and fear. Dean moved from behind you, laying you and the baby gently against the bed’s pillows. Both of your brothers collected the makeshift weapons they had formed while in their captivity. You managed to scramble off the bed and hid behind the room’s chair, clutching your daughter to your chest. From your position, you saw your brothers take up a protective stance in front of you, but they were thrown back when something smashed through the wall. You couldn’t get your baby to stop crying. 

You moved your baby so that you were cradling her in your left arm. Dean and Sam were out for the count, so you reached for one of their weapons, gripping it tight in your free hand. When the dust cleared you were met with a sight that made your heart stop. You were frozen to the spot.


	17. Chapter 17

Joy was crying in the other room. Groggy, you woke up and slowly climbed off the bed before moving to your daughter’s room. She had stopped crying and when you were in the entryway, you stilled, reveling in the sight before you. Your husband was cradling her, singing her a lullaby, working to ease her back to sleep. Seeing you, he smiled and you were lost in the love you saw there. 

“You can go back to sleep, my love, I will take care of our daughter.”

“You know I sleep better with you by my side,” you said walking over to him, looking at your little girl over his shoulder.

“I thought she would be sleeping through the night by now,” Castiel said. 

“She can probably sense our worry.”

“Worry?”

“About Dean and Sam. They are getting antsy. We both knew they would never want to leave the life. It has a way of following them.”

Castiel laid the baby back in her crib before he wrapped you in his arms. “They know how important it is for them to stay here. We just need to find a more constructive outlet for them.”

He pushed a kiss to your temple before he directed you back to your room across the hall. Once ushered to bed, you curled up around your angel turned human again, amazed at the difference a year had made in your life. 

That agonizing day at the hospital, Castiel had drained his grace into you and Joy to save your lives. When the angels descended, he had been passed over because his grace had been passed to you. While you had been held captive, Castiel had been busy. He was adjusting to being human again, but also he was fighting tooth and claw to find you again. Unable to find you, he decided to set up a safe house for you all in Oregon. He had built it from the ground up with special warding in the foundation and the walls so that it was protected; more protected than any other dwelling before it. He bid his time until he could find you, and had knocked on every door, talked to every angel he could, all hoping someone could tell him something. Without his grace, though, it had been very difficult. He had tried to reach you before your daughter came into the world, but he was too late. Your pain and longing for him as you gave birth is what made it possible for him to find you; he could sense your pain and longing despite no longer having his grace. Maybe the two of you really were destined for each other. 

Now, your brothers and Castiel all had jobs in town, but they had a rotating schedule so that you were never home by yourself long. Your life was definitely weird, but you were all making it work. Sam was even dating someone in town. Life was becoming more normal than it had ever been for you guys. You and Cas had even become legally married, under an assumed name, but there was nothing to separate you now. 

“Castiel,” you whispered.

“What is it, my love?”

“I think I’m pregnant again.”

He pulled away from you so that he could see your eyes. You could tell he was nervous for a moment, but then he smiled and you could tell it was a normal fatherly bout of nerves rather than an 'impending doom' fear. 

“We’re gonna have another baby?”

You nodded, somewhat sheepishly. Cas pushed a kiss to your lips and you melted into his embrace. “Why can’t I tell yet?” he asked, confused.

You giggled, “It takes a few months for me to show, ya goof, and without your mojo, I wouldn't expect you to be able to tell.”

The confused look on his face didn’t go away, but you kissed him as a distraction method and it did the trick. After the kiss, you snuggled back into your angel and worked to grab a few hours of sleep before your princess woke up again. You couldn’t stop thinking about the possibility of another baby. Maybe it would be a boy this time, just like your dream so many months ago. You heard the noise of your brothers snoring down the hall, and you had the arms of your angel wrapped around you. You heard your baby making sleeping sounds over the monitor and you felt more at ease than you ever had. Maybe you all would make it through this. A girl could dream anyway. Maybe redemption was possible.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think! Haven't posted a whole lot and want to know your thoughts on it!
> 
> To those of you who have commented, thank you so much for your feedback! I appreciate it so much! :D


End file.
